Suwon Stories: Teaching English in Korea

First Birthdays and Buddha's Lanterns

2010-05-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some shots of Na-hyun, Anna, Pamela and me tooling around in Seoul on Children's Day. It's a "Red Day" here in South Korea, which means all schools and many businesses are closed but, of course, not my hogwan! However, we worked from 9am to 3pm (instead of the usual 4:45 until 10:45pm) which allowed us to head out and see the sights! We are in Insadong, an adorable area of Seoul.

This section actually reminded me a lot of Los Angeles, and this outdoorish shopping center more than anything else screamed Southern California.

Buddha's birthday is in May (the 21st, if I remember correctly) and there are paper lanterns strung all throughout the city in commemoration. This was early in the month of May, and it was twilight, so all the lanterns were lit.

Here's Pamela in the foreground, and behind her you can see scads of the paper lanterns in front of the buddhist temple.

Here's little Pammers again in front of King Sae-jong, who is very respected here in Korea. He is most celebrated as the creator of Korea's written language, Hangeul.

This was DYB's founder and president's 1st birthday celebration for his newest offspring. First birthday's are quite a big deal here in Korea, and if you're an employee at a major company, they're apparently mandatory-attendance shindigs.

Here some DYB employees are signing the book of well-wishings, and leaving presents and/or money.

The first banquet room (we were in the overflow room, which was awesome, because we could chat without censure! All the goings-on were on huge monitors instead of happening directly in front of us. We were thus not subjecting to lots of "shooshing".)

My DYB Yeong-tong branch homies!

The spread was amazing, and so was the view. It's strange eating lunch at 11am, though, when we all have to get back to our respective branches for work in the afternoon. DYB can only schedule meetings in the mornings on weekdays since everyday is a workday.

Love these girls. From left to right: Kyung-hee, Anna, Na-hyun, and Jeong-hyeon.

I entered the shot!

Birthday Celebrations and Seoul Tower

2010-05-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Here we are in the staff office at DYB, and ALMOST all of my co-workers are in the shot. They surprised me (though I shouldn't have been surprised since I'd seen them do this for other co-workers) with a chocolate cake and a lovely spread of fruits in honor of my (gulp) 34th. I was really touched that they actually obliged for the photo. Sometimes my they can be very camera shy. This will be a keepsake for me, since I've never gotten a pic of them all together before.

Kyung-hee and Jeong-hyeon bought me some "bling bling" - which is an inside joke since one of my previous lessons had been on hip-hop culture and one of the new words I taught the kids was "bling bling" - and I was obviously in shock. You'll also notice my tiara, which I bought that morning at Home Plus, and thought, "When can you rock a tiara if not on your birthday?" Plus I thought it would make the kids laugh. This is clearly not the US, though, where most students would just laugh at me, and tell me how lame I was, because most of my students here just thought it was pretty. Guess I should have tried to find a princess dress to reiterate the fact that I was NOT being serious!

One of the only classes I've had the whole year I've been here (they are now 3rd year middle school students and are absolutely brilliant - it is an honor to be in the same classroom with them) made me a cake out of choco pies and surprised me at the end of the class. I will pretend that I don't know it was Yu-jin teacher who actually arranged the whole thing and wanted me to believe it was the kids' idea. ;-)

After work, we had a little "after party", and Kyung-hee ordered a pizza, I got some spicy chicken with dokh, and we had some wine and Pepsi. The girls stayed at my place until around 2am, which isn't as crazy as it sounds considering we work until 11pm.

Mmmmm... pizza. (Yes, I am a total dork.)

Here is the view from the cab of the 63 Building in Seoul where I made reservations for some friends of mine from church to celebrate my birthday on the following Saturday. It's one of the tallest buildings in Seoul, and has incredible views from the rooftop bars and restaurants. We will be going to the "Walk on the Clouds" wine and whiskey bar. I was so excited about the view, and then it happened to rain all day. Ah, well. It was still quite beautiful.

Pamela and me mugging for my camera in the cab.

Here are Yeong-ho and his wife Kelly and Pamela.

Here is that famous killer view.

The whole group! From left to right: Yeong-ho, Kelly, Pamela, me, Erica, and her husband Mike.

This is so retro-chic in my opinion. These are numbered cases where customers can store the whiskeys they purchase. One of the rules of the bar I learned upon making the reservation was that you had to buy one bottle of wine or one bottle of whiskey to reserve a table, and I remember thinking, "Who's going to down a bottle of whiskey in one sitting?" Hence the cubbies. There were some expensive collections in here, too.

The following day, Kyung-hee and Un-mi planned an outing to Seoul Tower (or, Namsan Tower). It's the highest point in Seoul. You could say my birthday weekend was one of scaling new heights, not the least of which was the very high number of 34... I'm still reeling.

Here is the last place your car will go, and the rest is either by cable car or on foot. Koreans love hiking, and there are so many different places to trek up. This one was gorgeous and fully paved, though it will still do a number on your calves, particularly if you're wearing heels (note Un-Mi's feet).

Here's a lookout point about halfway up.

Un-mi and Kyung-hee.

Could she be any cuter? And the answer is: no.

Here is the view from the base of the tower.

Before going on the elevator ride up the the 360 degree view at the top of the tower.

Kyung-hee and me at the top.

The windows all around the top show you how far you are from a specific world location. This window proved just how far I am from home.

You can buy souvenir tiles and decorate them, and then superglue them onto the wall. We decided to buy one, and to come back and visit it someday when we're older (I think we decided 10 years or less)! It makes me teary-eyed to think about it. Oh, and I discovered that Kyung-hee is quite the little artist!

Here is the home for our tile.

The journey is complete, and we're about to head back down the mountain and find some dinner.

There was a fondue restaurant at the base of the mountain! It's hard to find anything cheese-related here, so this was very exciting. Here we are on our appetizer course, and the cheese came later. We were very, very stuffed at the end of it.

Earlier in the day before meeting Un-mi, Kyung-hee and I went to Suwon Station, and I saw bundaegi again, which I hadn't seen or smelled since the summer, and HAD to take a picture even though it embarassed Kyung-hee to no end. It is the discarded chrysalis a caterpillar sheds when becoming a butterfly, and is served in a paper cone and eaten with toothpicks. I cannot describe the smell... It's something like a fermented, salty, brown, earthy scent, and to my American nose, it's just awful. I really wish I could tell you that I tried it, but I didn't. All I could do was take a picture. I guess if Kyung-hee really liked it and bought some I would have tried it, but Kyung-hee thinks it's gross. However, most of my students and co-workers really like it, so maybe it's not that bad.

Here is my birthday presents from the aforementioned class that made the choco pie for me. I love them. Two students were coerced at the last minute into dancing for me and for the class. It's adorable.

Nearing the end...

2010-05-01T06:31:00.001-07:00

I now officially have 6 weeks and 2 days left in this wonderful country of South Korea. It is a very strange and complicated state I am in emotionally and mentallly. On one hand, going back to the States is exciting and full of promise, the emotion-laden and tear-filled reunion with family and friends already warmly expected in my heart, the promise of living another glorious summer by the beach, instead of in the oppressive and damp Korean heat, the beautiful thought of not working 6 days a week, but taking a much-deserved "time out" to enjoy all that I've "missed" while being away from what is comfortable and familiar... All of these things and more I am and have been awaiting for some time now.

On the other hand, there is everything that I leave - the friends that I've made here, the peaceful culture I've come to embrace, the hours of solitude that have been at times frightening, but once the fear passed, have been the hours I've best come to know myself and my God, the moment-by-moment sensory overload of living in a new place (such a beautiful pendulum swing from some of the monotonous "tape loop" of life that I had been stuck in before coming here), the vulnerability and then the new courage I've discovered in myself through this experience... It's all so difficult to put into words... I wonder sometimes if there is an Old Vanessa and a New Vanessa, and if the Old Vanessa awaits me back home, and the New Vanessa stays here, or if bringing the New Vanessa back into Old Vanessa's haunts will be a somewhat catastrophic experience. Or if may be a wholly cathartic one. I have no clue.

Here's what I don't want: The Same Old Thing. And I can't help but realize that whether any of us is in another country, another job, another relationship, another state of mind, this is probably true for all of us. The heart cries out to move forward, not to relive the past. I didn't come to Korea to escape anything, but now that I've been here for almost a year, I realize that subconsciously I needed a new mind. So many times here I have been hit with the verse from the Bible, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." God has been renewing my mind, and I believe I am being transformed. This is central to the message of Christianity, that we are ALWAYS being made new, we are ALWAYS moving from glory to glory, and I think for some of us (like me) that transformation of the mind requires a bit more jostling than other people. Some of us need a thunderbolt like another country to learn to hear God's voice better. I think by coming here, I was heeding His call, even though at the time I made the decision to come, I couldn't tell you exactly why I was doing it. I just knew that I needed to.

I have been repeating so often in the last few months, "Life is so weird." I can't help but shake my head and laugh. It really is. I think Korea has helped me to chill out. Helped me to realize there is so little that I can control, and once over the panic of that realization, there is a peace that has come to seep in slowly but surely, and now I'm learning to live in it. There is great peace in realizing that life is weird, and unpredictable, and that the world is vast, and there is more to it than I can ever fully wrap my brain around, and that today, and yesterday, and for all eternity, God has His plan, and I am living my part of it.

Oh, it's so difficult to put into words... In short, I am thankful, so deeply thankful for this time. I am thankful for the struggles I have had here, because they've broken chains. I am thankful for the beauty and the warmth I have experienced here, because they've shown me the depth of the human heart. I am thankful for having been removed from every former comfort, because it has shown me how to find my comfort in God, and proven true words in scripture that were hollow or mysterious to me before. I am thankful that God has answered my prayer to reignite my love for songwriting - something which had been dead for a few years. I am even thankful that I haven't dated anyone for a year, because I think that may have been a distraction from a deeper work in me.

I am thankful for you, Korea. I vow to spend this next 6 weeks appreciating you, and know that I have no desire to run away from you. I truly love you. Who knows, I may even return to you... But definitely with a different job!

And, America, I have been forewarned about the changes in you, but I'm pretty sure you're still home. And though we've been estranged for some time now, I hope you'll still have me and make a place for me. If nothing else, you have a lot of people whom I really love. And, of course, you have a lot of sorely missed fish tacos. So I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.

Another Wedding, and Spring's Blessed Appearance

2010-04-11T21:25:00.001-07:00

So spring has finally sprung! And not a moment too soon, either. It is blessed jacket weather, and I have even worn sandals! As is Korea's pattern, things here are sudden, and it literally just all-of-the-sudden lost its chill. Hallelujah.

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to attend my second wedding in Korea, and this was for my gorgeous co-worker Keira. This was a very different experience from Gina's traditional ceremony, in that this is a modern, common Korean wedding. The weddings here are very fast, and this one in particular was held at an establishment I can only think to describe as a "wedding mill". Each room conducts about 8 wedding ceremonies a day lasting about 30 minutes each. When we arrived, the wedding before ours was already in progress, running through exactly the same routine as the one we would soon witness. Pretty perfunctory, with some cute, Vegas-style embellishments, no bridal party, everything perfectly timed and orderly. We were then all ushered down to the buffet floor, where the establishment has a constant flow of food, and wedding party after wedding party comes and goes throughout the day. We were eating and co-mingling with those from the wedding party before ours, and the wedding party after. No wedding cake, no standing in line to greet the bride and groom. And this was all very normal. Before attending this wedding I had already heard that Korean weddings are surprisingly different from Western weddings in that they're very short, and people eat, and then you're done. My co-worker Un-mi who was sitting next to me told me she wants an "American style" wedding where the ceremony has more depth and lasts longer. There are some Koreans who opt for that, but the standard is still the wedding mill.
Kyung-hee and I traveled to the wedding together. She looks oh-so-hip in those shades. She's always stylish, though. She just got back from a vacation in Japan and brought back the coolest clothes.

Here is Kyung-hee again posing by the framed wedding pictures that were unbelievably gorgeous. They take some seriously outstanding wedding pictures here in Korea - 'course, it doesn't hurt that Keira is drop-dead gorgeous and her groom has one of the most charming, contagious smiles I've ever seen.

See what I mean? Straight out of Modern Bride.

Here is the beauty in person. She is posing in a room outside the ceremony hall where people can come in and take pictures with her (see below). I can only imagine how tired here cheeks were by the end of the day.Here is the DYB Crew! I work with all of these lovely ladies at my branch.

This is the ceremony hall before the Vegas style lights and magic. The saxophone player was very good, but looked so bored the whole time. I can imagine it gets old playing the same song for endless weddings!

Here are the groom and bride's mothers dressed in traditional hanbok. Usually, the elder women on both sides wear hanbok, and the men wear suits. The most touching part of the ceremony was when Keira's mother cried after being bowed to my her new son-in-law, which then made Keira teary-eyed. It was very sweet.

Here is the groom!

The bride and groom both walked down the aisle through this heart-shaped flower thingie, which the employees then parted. A little corny, but cute nonetheless.

Now announced man and wife... I think. I don't understand enough Korean to have had much of an idea of what was happening, but methinks these things are pretty standard.

This was my favorite part - the cake. They don't actually eat it, they just ceremonially cut it. As I said, there was no cake at the "buffet" reception, no dancing, none of that Western stuff. But the best part was the multi-colored lights and the dry ice! If you look closely you can see it coming out of the bottom.

I had to miss church to go to the wedding, but I wasn't about to miss my Pamela Time. We met up later in the evening and enjoyed a bottle of wine in this little cafe near my house that I recently discovered. It was open-air, and it was really nice to enjoy these first notes of spring.

Below, I've included my amateur-as-all-get-out video of the traditional wedding song sung to the couple at the end of the ceremony. I thought it was very interesting. You can also see how most of the attendees aren't really paying attention, which was true throughout the ceremony. There was a hum of conversation from start to finish, which, again, is very common. Please enjoy my silly mug at the end of video - if you are not amused, at least I know that I was. :-)

The Longest Mile...

2010-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

So, here I am, officially at 10 weeks and counting before leaving Korea. At this point, it feels like trudging through mud everyday, like the hours are dragging, and the finish line is so close, yet somehow so incredibly far.

I don't know why, either, because I'm busier now than I've ever been in Korea. There is little extra time, so it should be flying, but for some reason, it's not. I believe it's because this job has effectively run its course for me. There have been many changes to my schedule, one of which is that out of 32 different classes that I teach each week, 25 of them are exactly the same lesson. Yes, that's right, I teach EXACTLY the SAME LESSON 25 times a week. 25 hours of hearing myself say exactly the same thing, exactly the same material, making the same jokes, trying to make it all sound fresh again for a new group of kids... It's just really, really monotonous. And I am very, very ready to be done with this 6 day work schedule and have evenings free again like all normal people. I don't like teaching to groups of children at 10pm who are falling asleep. It makes me feel like a slave driver. I love the kids, though, I really do, and that's what keeps me going. I will not miss the job, but I will miss the children.

I think things will seem less endless for me, too, once this winter finally retreats. I did the math yesterday, and realized it's a full 6 months of winter weather here, from October until April. At this point there is some relief (it's in the high 40's to low 50's) but I've been wearing the same black, down-filled Gap coat for 6 months, and I will sing and dance a little "hallelujah" chorus when I can finally put that thing to rest. As the gentleman I met in the airport on the way here told me, Korea is a land of extremes, and I would say the 6 months of winter and 4 months of bleeding hot summer I've experienced here prove his statement true, at least as far as the weather goes.

After having spoken to a lot of my foreign friends about it, my feelings right now are apparently very common. Sometimes the last few months are the toughest, and then suddenly it's time to go and you feel you don't have enough time to spend with all the people you love before you leave. Oh, and I do love people here. Pamela will be the hardest to leave. We've ritualistically spent Sundays together (which is my only free day to see her), and she's become one of the closest people in the world to me. There are people you meet in life who you know are just temporary companions on the journey, and then there are those you meet who you know will be there from the start to the finish, and Pamela is the second kind. Whenever I wonder if God really provides for our needs, the unbelievable way He placed Pamela and me together is proof that He is a God of his word. She will be staying on here in Korea until God moves her elsewhere, but I know the distance won't matter. She is lifelong. Also, I'm very fortunate in that she'll be visiting me in California just a couple months after I leave, so it's only a temporary "good-bye".

I will be visiting Gina and Mauri in Italy on the way home. Plane tickets are already bought. It's hard to stay "in the present" when my mind is filled with thoughts of warm Italian countrysides, bike rides, red wine, sandals and dresses, and tasting freedom again. It's hard to put in a nutshell or to easily articulate, but Korea is a demanding country. People work very hard. Everyone goes to work and to school sick, works late, studies constantly, and barely sleeps. There is no culture of relaxation here, and no place for it. What once shocked me nearly a year ago now seems commonplace to me, but I still can't agree with it. Kids studying into the wee hours, their futures being dictated by one-chance-only examinations. Korean co-workers working 11 hours 6 days a week with absolutely no vacation time, attending meetings that start at midnight and last until 7am... There's a lot of good to be said for this diligence, but many Koreans have told me they don't want to have children in this country because they don't want their children to be raised in such a stressful environment.

But lest I paint a far too dismal picture...

Oh, how I do love thee, Korea. I adore your food - ah, the ENDLESS new things I have tried and have yet to try - and your beautiful and abundant trees. The kind-hearted people I have met, who have been so generous and have embraced me without question. I love your quirkiness, and how you change on a dime. Your public transportation is divine. I love your lack of cynicism, and the fact that sarcasm is non-existent here. I love that I can walk around alone at 3am and feel no fear at all. From the moment I stepped off the plane, scared and excited, you have proven to be altogether different from what I expected, and a wonderful and thrilling ride.

I question what the future holds for me. My dream is to sing, and there will always be opportunities for me to do that, but the biggest unanswerable question of my adult life is: How do I do what I love and make money at it? I don't know... I honestly don't know, but the urge is strong to keep trying, which means probably take another job somewhere in the States that I don't love, but that hopefully gives me some freedom to do what I DO love. And then I wonder, "How long can I get away with this? Until I'm 40? And then at that point, will it be too late to try something else?" Ugh... I hatehatehate these thoughts. I have prayed so many times that God would give me the passionate desire to be a teacher, or a nurse, or an interior designer - something that I could set out to do, and then start doing it and make money at it. Singing and songwriting, all of the creative arts are so nebulous, and success at them is so due to chance. It's frustrating.

But I think at times like these you have to ask the Deathbed Question (which is what I did before coming to Korea): When you're on your deathbed, what will you wish you had done? And I know down to my toes that on my deathbed, I would wish I had kept writing songs, and kept trying to make it happen. Whether in Korea, or the U.S., or wherever else on God's green earth we find ourselves, we have to keep fighting to do what we believe He's created us to do. So that is my only aim, is to keep fighting. The glory lies more in the hope than in the success, anyway, I think. Once we lose hope, we've lost everything.

I am not finished with this blog. I plan to see and do more before I leave - I am quite anxious for the cherry blossoms, which should make their brief and splendid appearance anyday now - and with the limited time I have I'm still trying to plan something interesting to do on my 34th (yikes!) birthday in May. So it's not a "good-bye"... It's just some pondering I needed to do. In this last and longest mile, I know there will be more surprises, and more highs and lows. After all, that's the way life tends to be.

Little March Happenings, and Something from January

2010-03-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

As for January, though it was months ago, I never shared with you the photos from my flying lesson! It was an absolutely incredible experience, because even though we only have a 20 minute lesson on the ground using an old flying textbook, we were all able to take a 45 minute flight with our instructor, and for a few brief moments in the air, we were actually flying the plan all by ourselves. The pilot would take his hands of the wheel, and say, "Turn left," or, "Turn right," or, "Head towards that landmark over there." It was truly incredible. Granted, we had to wait through some irritating things that made my American mind very grumpy, namely the rather unorganized day. Each of us flew for one hour, but yet we were at the aviation university for over 8 hours and doing a lot of waiting around in-between flights. Why, you ask? Well, because other Korean pilot students kept getting flights in-between our flights, even though they were "unscheduled". I kept getting more and more peeved as the instructors kept smiling at us and asking, "You're not in any rush, are you?" without telling us, "Oh, by the way, we're kind of screwing you right now and squeezing other flights into this day so we can make more money." That was the only irritant, and actually I'm starting to get riled again just writing about it! So, let's move on, and I will end on this note: If you ever have the opportunity to fly a plane, take it. It's definitely worth any 8 hour wait. The last pic is of the 3 of us, totally wiped out, and drinking margaritas and eating Mexican food. It was probably the worst Mexican food I've ever eaten, but also the best, because even bad Mexican food is fantastic Mexican food when you've been deprived of it. Not a lot of things in Korea are covered in cheese and jalapenos, and I gotta get my fix every now and then. This was more than sufficient, and the company was divine. These two girls (who have both since left Korea) are absolutely a blast.

Thus far in March: I have included some pictures of the Warhol exhibit I saw here in Seoul, as well as a good-bye lunch for a good friend Melisa attended by church friends, and the first baby shower I've attended here in Korea for Erica, a lovely friend of mine.

Here are some pictures of Erica (still pregnant with little Aliana, who has since come into the world and is GORGEOUS!) at the baby shower Pamela organized for her. We were all quite excited to tear into the baked goods that the women made. It's pretty hard to get a good cookie or a muffin here in Korea, especially for people like me with no oven, so this was a real treat. We all read "baby blessings" to Erica, and had a very nice afternoon.

Here are photos of Melisa and some people from Life Church. We are at Outback Steakhouse - one of my favorite indulgences since it is right next door to me, is so Western feeling inside, and of course because it has the huge plate of cheese fries covered in bacon and served with ranch dressing - having a good-bye lunch with her. She is off to Finland, and wants to eventually start a church there. She is an extremely cool girl, and I know we will stay in touch. She will be greatly missed. I've only been here for 8 months, and have already discovered one of the hardest parts about living here as a foreigner is always having to say "good-bye" to someone you care about.

As for Warhol, I found him to be immensely self-absorbed, and his art was a reflection of his pretension more than his soul. I think there is more to ponder in the complexity of the artist than in his work - he was quite a fascinating man. However, the art does not stand on its own, and this is precisely what Warhol wanted, I'm sure. I think of him as the Paris Hilton of the intellectual, experimental-drug-using artistic crowd in that he was famous for being famous, and very good at it. The only art I found remotely interesting was his early work for magazines like Vogue, which were actually quite whimsical and engaging drawings. And maybe I am just too artistically naive and unsophisticated to enjoy a huge black canvas covered with a silkscreen of white eggs. If so, I am happy to remain this way.

Some Random Thoughts About Christianity

2010-02-23T05:35:00.000-08:00

I was just having a thoughtful hour or two, and was pondering what happened when I first *really* became a Christian, and what that has evolved into, for the good or the bad of it.

I was 21 years old, driving home after graduating from my senior year in college, having made a mess of my life in many varying ways, and I remember praying, "God, I've heard about you all my life. I don't know if you're real or not, but if you are, I need you to help me. I need you to please forgive me, and I need you to be real to me right now." And I remember, driving my friend Barby's truck, with all of my various and sundry belongings in the back, how overwhelmed I was immediately by His supernatural presence in the cab with me, and how absolutely and unmistakably real He was in that moment... It was a life-changing moment, almost impossible to describe. Like real arms were around me, and like love overflowing and huge beyond my ability to contain just flooded the cab in a second. I was overwhelmed and overcome. If you've ever experienced a moment with the God of creation, then you'll know that it is beyond words. It is real, and it has a lasting impact. That moment has defined my life since then. I gave my life to it, to the truth of it, to Him.

I remember the days and even months after that experience. My circumstances didn't change, but my view of the world and myself was changing drastically. I was a theater major and had decided to become an actress, and had spent years trying to "become" someone else, to escape myself, and had felt all the pleasure and the pain that comes from "losing yourself" in a character, or a lifestyle, all for the sake of art. And I remember saying to my mother one day shortly after the car ride with God, "A relationship with God is the only thing that makes us more like ourselves." I think I was trying to say, "God *really* knows me. And because he *really* knows me, I'm beginning to know myself." It was falling in love. I don't know any other words for it. I was in love with Him, and in love with His vision of me, a way I had never known myself to be. The world suddenly looked completely different through His eyes.

As an example of the extreme closeness I felt with hin, after college, I began working as a tutor at a business my mother owned while I "figured out" the next step (little did I know I'd be trying to figure out my next step well into my 30's) and she lost her keys. I remember praying with such childlike confidence, "God, you know where her keys are. Where are they?", and as crazy as it may sound, I heard the words in my heart, "They're behind the plant." So I said to my mother, "Look behind the plant," and, sure enough, she moved the potted plant and there they were. And I wasn't at all surprised. I knew that He knew where they were, and I knew He would tell me if He wanted to, and He did, and there they were.

The entire experience was so organic. I grew up in a Christian household and in Christian evangelical churches, but as a little actress I always knew what was expected of me, and none of it at the time seemed very organic or natural. I remember being very young, and in Texas, and having many people "lay hands on me" to receive the gift of tongues to speak in a spiritual different language, and having seen other people "receive" this gift many times before, I just faked it. I had no idea what it meant, and I had NO desire to speak in different tongue. I just wanted to be loved, and though it made absolutely no sense to me, I figured, "This is what they want, I'll give it to them," and it gave me a rush to perform. So they prayed for a while, and I determined, "Now is the time to 'receive' this gift," and I started muttering nonsense words that sounded like the words I'd heard other people speak. Everyone believed me, so I made some determinations of Christianity in my 8 year old mind in that moment.

Most of Christianity I viewed that way. The only exception was during worship, when the music was playing, and I was singing, and everyone else was singing, and all around me was beauty. THEN I believe I truly touched God, but it wasn't personal. It was a group dynamic thing, and it was never lasting. It was never "organic", and I never had any desire to pray or read the Bible. That was all empty to me, and lesss attractive than the real life and drama and beauty I craved. I have many memories of Christianity as a set of rules or bizarre expectations, far removed from the "real" cares and concerns of life. Most of the time all I ever heard was, "Don't drink, don't smoke, and don't have sex," and that if I obeyed all these rules, vigilantly denied all of these forbidden fruit, then I was a Good Christian (which, by the way I never aspired to be. The more I was told not to taste it, the more I wanted to.)

But that car ride was the real thing. For the first time in my life, that was me and God. Me, a genuine "sinner", with quite a few nasty things on my roster, and God, whoever He was, immediately covering me with the most beautiful peace, the most beautiful presence, the most beautiful promise of hope and future and contentment. I was immersed in His spectacular reality, and that reality was not the God of Rules of my childhood, the God of Strange Behavior that I had witnessed and pretended to experience... No, this was a God who saw me in all my frailty, in all my imperfectness, and loved me beyond the ability of any human being.

Again... you have to have experienced it to understand what I'm saying. And you can experience it. Even right now at this very moment. Ask Him, "Who are you? Are you real? Please be real to me," and He will. It's so amazing, but He wants to be a real, individual Person to all of us.

And this is what I've realized tonight that I keep losing sight of. The more you get wrapped up in a church, the more you get wrapped up in what is expected of you socially, the more you want to please others around you... Well, the more the "actress" pops up and starts performing and faking things, and the more the real, organic thing that actually happens with Christ starts to fade into the background. And this fake Christian thing is so far from what I want, and is not what EVER attracted me to Christ in the first place. The Christian thing is so often NOT Christ because I am a person, and the church is full of people, and people can never, ever be God. I can never love myself the way God can. I can never love another person the way God can. I can only sit in God's presence and experience the love He has for me to love myself. I can only hope to reflect this love to other people, so that they will then look up to the Source of that love in the first place. And, in the end, it's not about what anyone thinks of you, or even what you think of yourself - it's whether God had anything to do with it or not. And oftentimes, even in our best efforts, God was not even invited to the party.

And this is what turns people off about Christianity. I am a Christian, and in all honesty I can say to you now that this is what turns ME off about Christianity. It's what turns me off in myself. I turn Jesus Christ into a set of rules of social behavior... How absurd for the God of the Universe who became a man, who socialized with prostitutes and tax collectors, who was condemned by the church for being too "out there" - how absurd for me to make Him anything less than what He is. God, please forgive me.

And I don't condemn church. Oh, goodness, I love church. Here in Korea, I have found the most alive and vibrant and sweet and welcoming church I've found in ages. I honestly live for Sundays just to be with other Christians, to hear His word, to be in His presence. But I still see in myself the seed of trying to "pretend" with other Christians, and therefore to discredit the whole Christian life.... Yuck. I want to be real as He was real. As He is real with me. I want the church, globally, to be real as He is real. But, that has to start with me.

And that's getting back to my savior in the truck cab. That's the Jesus Christ I fell in love with. Literally fell in love. He's real, my friends. He's real. And if any person has ever made you feel otherwise, I would bypass the person, and go right to the Source. Ask Him if He's real, and see what He says. I have no doubt you'll be amazed at His response.

Gina and Mauri's Wedding

2010-02-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

These are the long-awaited (at least in my mind) images from Mauri and Gina's wedding in January. Again, I ask the forgiveness of those who might actually care for the long time it's taken me to actually post them. Even now, I am irked that after several batches of pictures I've tried to upload, "Blogger" tells me "error" and sends me to some Internet Explorer link that tells me to check my computer... Please. It's not my computer, y'all. Anyhoo, this was an absolutely amazing experience, not only for me, but for many of Gina's friends who, though totally and irrevocably Korean, had never been to a "traditional" ceremony before.

The ceremony was held at a "traditional" place, which was actually quite new, but designed in the old style. It was in Ulsan, which is quite far south, and Gina is so amazing that she actually arranged for me to have a car ride out there with some other friends of hers that I'd never met. Even on the morning of her wedding, around 7am in the morning, she called me on my cell to make sure I was able to find her friends. (Their English was limited, but we were still able to converse for most of the 4 hour car ride. I will forever be in awe of Koreans who apologize for their "limited English", when I am the one who should be apologizing for my RIDICULOUSLY limited Korean!)

I have included captions on the pictures below, and they are only a limited snapshot of the whole experience. I will never forget the wedding FEAST, and can't even remember how many courses there were. I want to say 8. It was incredible. I will never forget the "after party" wherein we all sat on the floor of the honeymoon suite and ate dried octupus and drank Hite beer, and all reminisced about Gina and Mauri (but especially Gina) and how much we would miss them.

And, also, how different the etiquette is for weddings here. It is traditional for the wedding couple to pay for EVERYTHING, and I mean down to the last detail. At the "after party", the beer ran out quickly, so I suggested going down to the store to buy some more. Little did I know that that meant Gina would go to get more beer! It would have been considered rude for me to have gone and purchased it myself. It was apparently the bride or bridegroom's responsibility. And Gina did SOOO much work that day! Down to the very last detail, she was the one approving or disapproving, signing the check, etc. Plus she had the burden of wearing all of that crazy, heavy headgear. She kept saying how heavy it was, although she said it with a light heart. And somehow Mauri burned one of the legs of his outift (which was rented) so they would probably have to buy his pants... And neither were too happy about that.

Now that all is said and done, I can look back on this event that happened more than a month ago, and I can easily say that it was an incredible experience. I am grateful for it. I met Gina just a few months after she'd met Mauri, and I was one of the first people she told about their engagement. When I first arrived, his impending arrival seemed a million years away. And then suddently, there he was. I was so excited to meet him, and so excited for her... But I cannot tell you how much I miss that girl. The world here at DYB is not the same without her. MY world is not the same without her. She is a truly amazing person, who is now probably in India (if I correctly recall her timeline) visiting the charity there that her husband sponsers. Gina, if perchance you ever happen to read this blog, I miss you, my friend. I miss you terribly. You were my saving grace here in Korea. You were absolutely sent by God, to my incredible wonder and gratefulness. I hope I am able to see you again one day.

Here are Gina and Mauri in the midst of the ceremony. He is on one side, she is on the other. Throughout the ceremony (which I didn't understand a word of) I kept noticing Gina's Korean friends talking to each other with words of, "Oh, that's interesting!", and "That's what that means!" As I said, this was a new experience not just for me, but for many of Gina's friends, too. It was comforting to know that I was not the only one to be a first-timer at a Korean traditional ceremony.

Here is Gina on Mauri's back at the end of the ceremony. Since they're roughly the same size, this was kind of a joke for Gina, but obviously Mauri had no trouble carrying her down the aisle with ease.

I absolutely adore this picture of Gina, and though she doesn't know it, I showed this picture to many of her former students. Though she no longer teaches them, they're still my students, so I said that any of them who wished to see her wedding pics could come into my office. They came, and they saw, and they were likewise amazed at how she embodies something ancient and young and gorgeous. (Granted, she is alREADY gorgeous and young, but there's something about tradition...)

The Saga of Winter Intensive Revealed

2010-02-01T00:36:00.000-08:00

So, in Korea, there is a little something called "Winter Intensives" at every hogwan. There are also "Summer Intensives", but having already experienced that, I can say that summer was shorter (only 5 weeks) and far less...well... intense. Here was my teaching schedule:

8:00am to 2:30pm - 6 classes of 55 minute duration
4:00pm to 8:00pm - 4 classes of 55 minute duration

That's a 12 hour work day with 10 teaching hours. I will be quite frank with you and say that I have never been so exhausted in my life. Ten hours of lesson plans that are all conversationally based and structured like "performances", with ten completely different classes each day, seeing over 80 different students each day, lesson planning brand new material for all of them... It was harrowing. Even though we got Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays off, the tiredness has sort of stuck with me like a lingering virus. Also, since these are a precious few Saturdays to actually socialize, I've packed them full of doing just that. (More on that to come later.)

That was for the entire month of January, and now we have 2 weeks of my previous schedule (6 days a week, 6 teaching hours in the evenings) and then the last 2 weeks of February we resume the intensive schedule above, and then it's back to evenings again until I leave in June. All of that to say, I have been too tired to blog. I didn't really know that was possible, but putting some pics up on facebook and responding to a few emails now and then was about all I could muster. Most days I would just come home, eat, and flop into bed and enjoy the feeling of not standing. I would also lay there and ponder things like, "I'm too old for this..." So I apologize to the handful of people who may actually care what I write here (at least my parents?) for having been so negligent with my blog. I have thought of you, I really have...

Though I work at a very good company, and have incredible co-workers, the experience of winter here - complete with being cold all the time, working all through the holidays and the schedule mentioned above - have soured me a lot. I love my students, but now that this crazy time of year is winding down, I feel my motivation kind of winding down with it. I'm thinking more about what awaits me in the States when I go home in 4.5 months, thinking more about purpose, what really matters in life, all that stuff that swirls around in the head when you sense another change is coming. I love Korea, and I love so many people that I've met here, but I don't love the way Korean business treats its employees: like machines. And its children, for that matter. Little adorable studying machines.

I think I need a good dose of spring, and I'm very thankful that it's right around the corner. Winter blues are real, I've discovered, and it will be nice not to have to wear the entire contents of my closet when I want to go somewhere, and to see green things growing, and to just take a walk when I want to. I miss my walks.

Yes, my mood is a bit low today, and the tone is probably coming through. I will say, though, that God is good, and I am so thankful for the blessings He gives in everyday, not the least of which has been the strength to do this job well for the last few weeks. There were two morning when I was just so tired that I literally prayed through sobs, "God, I do not have the strength to do this, but your Word says that when I am weak, then your strength is revealed. I believe that promise is for me, and I ask you for the strength to not just survive this day, but to have a really GOOD day, and to be a really good teacher." And both of those days were really good days. I've been a Christian for many years now, but this is the first time I've really relied on God's strength in such a tangible way. It's exciting to see and experience that His promises are true for me. And for all of us.

Later in the week (hopefully tomorrow) I'll post some pictures of the things I've been doing, including Gina's wedding and my first flying lesson! But for now, time to get back to class. Please drop me a line anytime if you're out there and reading this! It's always good to hear from you.

Korean Acupuncture

2010-01-10T01:08:00.000-08:00

So, to begin with, let me say that this last Monday, January 4th, was apparently the most snow this region in South Korea has seen in approximately 70 years. On that Monday, when I walked to work in a silent, gorgeous snowdrift, smiling like a child at the beautiful blanket covering everything, and even after our hogwan "shut down" due to the snow, and we were all told to go home and come BACK on Saturday (I won't get into that right now), I was still thinking, "This is all totally normal. This is a typical winter in SK." It was only the next day when I saw my sister's facebook post with a link to a yahoo article about my history making situation that I realized this amount of snow was an unusual occurance. It's really cold here - no, it's not Quebec, or Antarctica, or any other various numbers of uber-extreme climates, but it's very extreme for me. The words of the Korean man I met in the airport on the way here last June have echoed in my mind more than once: "Korea is a land of extremes." It's definitely the hottest summer I've lived through, and now is proving to be one of the coldest winters. But, again, my experience is limited.

Okay, so on to acupuncture! Gina had been telling me (as have other friends of mine here, both Korean and foreign) about the benefits of acupuncture. One person was relieved of menstrual cramps, another of a painful tennis elbow, another with supposed reproductive benefits, and the list goes on and on. There happens to be an acupuncturist in my work building, and Gina had been taking her fiance there. His body had been ravaged by this cold, tense and unhappy, and he had been regularly visiting the acupuncturist for relief. She told me that before she went away and our opportunities for Korean experiences together would be impossible, just as with the octupus, it was a now or never situation, and we needed to go. With my insurance, the visit would cost approximately $6USD. Without insurance, about $9USD. Either way, I figured there was absolutely no harm in trying it out.

We walked into the office, which smelled a lot like burning herbs, and I filled-in a form very quickly. (Essentially just my name and address.) As with most things in Korea (at least in my neck-of-the-suburbs), the office was filled with mismatched furnishings, shoddy wallpaper - this was not your Western "clinical setting" - but the air was warm, and the Korean-only speaking staff was just as warm with me. Gina and I sat in the waiting room and drank a tiny paper cup full of a tea made of a mishmash of herbs that Gina said was "good for the health", as so many things here are. It tasted like licorice, was very dark like coffee, and was brewed in a coffee pot. Patrons could help themselves while waiting.

Soon our female acupuncturist came out and ushered us into her tiny office. Gina had been there before, so I was the one being examined. She spoke only Korean, so Gina was my interpreter. She asked me what was bothering me, and though it never occurred to me to visit the acupuncturist for any specific reason, I immediately thought of this recurring pain I've had in my lower left hip for more than a year. Going from a sitting to a standing position, or any movement up to down, has sometimes been so painful that I let out an involuntary, "Ahhhhh!", and then wait it out. So I explained the situation, thinking, "Who knows? It could work!" But, in all honesty, I was hoping more for an interesting experience than for any great healing.

I wish I'd written down everything she told me in the office. One of my favorites was that since I am a Westerner, my body temperature is lower than Asians, therefore I shouldn't have cold milk or eggs in the morning. She also said I shouldn't drink mekjew (beer) because of my body type. (Luckily I don't much anyway.) She also told me to lose 5 kgs (thank you very much) and that my skin was very dry so I should eat more oysters and eel. She seemed very disappointed about the condition of my tongue, and asked me if I was often very thirsty. As she was asking me these questions, she was feeling around and rubbing my legs and calves, as well as my arms, and a little bit of my neck. Oh, and she also told me that I had very pretty eyes (which warmed me up before the "lose 5kgs comment"... She's not stupid...)

So off Gina and I went to the tables. We were able to lie next to each other in the same "space". Gina had requested something for her "baby house" since she was soon to be married and had been concerned about all the inner workings down there. One of the nurses put a pad on her abdomen, and then brought what appeared to be a gardener's pot full of some kind of slowly burning herb, and placed it on top of the pad. She then connected it to a ventilator near the bed, and Gina rested (and napped) in that position for the duration of my procedure, which went as follows:

1.) Whilst lying on my back, acupuncturist places various needles into seemingly random spots, after having felt around for a while. For example, she would place a needle strategically in my foot only after having felt for a thoroughfare through my leg. I would say at this visit there were only about 10 pins, but I could be wrong. It was less than I'd expected. It wasn't painful - if you've ever been tattooed, the sensation on the skin is about 1/10th of that. The amazing thing was that sometimes, particularly in my foot and in my left hand, she would place a pin and wiggle it around, and I would actually *feel* it in my lower left hip, the place where the pain was. I was beginning to think at that point, "Hey, maybe there's something to this?"

2.) After all the pins were pulled out (about 15 minutes) I was told to turn and lie on my stomach, at which point my jeans were pulled down so that my whole, um... derrier was exposed to the light of day. Hey, I'd already been completely naked in front of hundreds of female strangers at jimjilbangs, so why not feel totally comfortable with just my bum hanging out at the acupuncturist? Then probably 30 or so pins were inserted all around my backside and the bottoms of my feet, and removed after another 15 minutes.

3.) Still lying on my stomach, the machine came with the electrodes (this may not be the right word) and they stuck the 4 little suckers all over my back. The machine would send pulses and when I turned around I could actually see the muscles and the skin expand and contract. It was a strange sensation.

4.) I was told to put my pants back on and come back tomorrow. Which I did.

Gina was unhappy with her baby house treatment. She said she could never feel the heat, but the nurse said her circulation was poor, so she wasn't surprised that she couldn't feel it. I have not yet understood what Gina is meant to do to improve her circulation, only that it is, in fact, not appropriate for babies to make a home in. I told her she should drink more water - the woman lives on coffee - but then, I am not a licensed anything.

On the next day, more of the same, except with these few additions:

1.) More pins. This time one was put into my face, in my lower left jaw (that was the most painful) and she put one into my left hand that sent a strange surge of some brain chemical throughout my body. I could actually *feel* the place in my hand connected to my brain, and then whatever was released in my brain going everywhere else. It was a trip.

2.) This time I got a different treatment before the electrodes when lying on my stomach. They took what looked like ceramic teacups and blasted them with fire, then adhered them to my lower back. I couldn't see, but I think the nurse used about 12 cups. Some of them hurt like the dickens initially, but I told myself it was a healing pain. After all, this is a time-tested, hundreds of years old practice, so I could at least appreciate that I wasn't going to experience anything that many others before me hadn't also undergone. I am no wussy - if someone else can endure it, then so can I. And Koreans are not wussies. (Consequently, after showering the next day, I had 2 teacup shaped burns on my backside. They have since disappeared.)

3.) It was longer. I got the impression that on the first day, they gave me the "foreigner dose". Maybe they weren't sure if I could take it? They treated me a little more carefully the first day, and the second day seemed more intense. The first day was a total of about 60 minutes, and the second day closer to 90.

After both sessions, I felt incredibly relaxed, almost dangerously so (because I had to go back to work after each). I also had a really puffy face. I don't know what that was about. Toxins leaving or whatnot? Regardless, here is the final verdict after my last treatment on January 1st: My lower left hip hasn't hurt once since then. We're talking over a year of pretty much every time I stood up from the computer, or from a couch, or from any position, I would feel the surge of pain, and then back to normal. Since the 1st nothing, not a thing.

Some people might read this and say, "Well, Vanessa, it's just the power of mind over matter," but the thing is, I didn't think it would work. I wasn't skeptical, but was more humorously experimental. I frankly fully expected my hip to still hurt, but my mind to be more open to new experiences. I have to say that the sensation of an experienced acupuncturist poking your hand, and then you feeling it in your lower left hip, is something to make you pause and think. Then beyond that to have them accomplish what they set out to do... Well, I don't know enough about the subject and I'm certainly no M.D. or even anything remotely near a science B.A., but I know what happened with me.

And I know that the next time my hip hurts, I'm climbing the stairs in my work building and visiting Mrs. Awesome Korean Acupuncturist, insert-degree-here.

Christmas: In Hindsight

2009-12-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

Well, my Christmas was sub-par to say the least. I guess I should have expected the "holiday blues" to kick in, but I really wasn't prepared for it. Once Christmas Eve rolled around, and I was sitting in a training session for 3 hours before working into the night, I realized, "This pretty much sucks." Then rolling out of bed on Christmas morning exhausted and heading off to teach again was also less-than-joyful. Though I was able to catch the afterglow of my friend's Christmas party, I was very tired and needed to head home early to sleep before waking early to catch the skype call with my family before work. That was indeed the best part of the holiday. My whole family gathered around the computer and opening the presents I'd sent them, and watching me open the presents they'd sent me. I realized yet again how blessed I am to have such an amazing family, who would organize their whole day to spend some precious time with me. I am very, very thankful for that.

I am also thankful to my new friend Chohee who I met in my yoga class, and who left a present for me with my doorman which I opened a few days after Christmas. In it, with the very sweet present she'd bought, she had enclosed 4 cards which she had lovingly decorated. One of them had the verse, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 83:3) She had no idea how grounded in all the workaday blah-blah stuff I had been feeling, how lonely, how unmysterious and grey everything had been seeming. She reminded me to look up - life is about more than what we see. Sometimes it's about more than what we experience. God was calling me through that blessed little card to be absorbed in him for a while and listen for the "great and unsearchable" things. He has been reminding me that he's leading me, he is always there, and that there are blessings to be experienced everywhere - sometimes we just need to open different eyes to see them.

And in the end, Christmas is not about gifts, or even about being with loved ones (although those things are extraordinarily good), but it's really about remembering what we have in Christ Jesus and his death and resurrection. When we belive in him, we have new life. We have the same spirit living in us that raised Christ from the dead. We have strength even in our weakness. We have love when we feel loveless, hope when all seems hopeless. We have the only perfect parent, the one who promises, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," and who promises, "I am with you always until the end of the age." Another of Chohee's cards said, "He is always with you, everytime, everywhere." It's not grammatically perfect, but the sentiment is so true. He is. He truly is. And once over the hump of grumpiness and self-pity, I am very grateful for this.

Now to see how grateful and unself-pitying I can be when working 14 hours on New Year's Eve, and all day New Year's Day. To see how open my eyes are to his blessings... I am trying... I really am.

Academy Christmas "Party"

2009-12-22T02:55:00.000-08:00

So, this last Saturday the 19th, we were all invited to our business-wide academy Christmas celebration. Actually, I think it may have even been called "Year End" or "Holiday" party, but you get the idea. We work until 8pm on Saturdays at my branch, and the party started at 10pm in Seoul. This was no party, folks. Here's what happened.

We walked in a bit late, since our trek was about an hour and a half, and we didn't get away from Suwon until nearly 9pm. I had heard a rumor in the office that maybe they would be serving steak for dinner. I delayed dinner in anticipation, as many others did, only to find a white paper bag thrust into my hands as we arrived at the movie theater which had been rented out for our "celebration". Once we got our shivering bodies inside (it's deathly cold here right now) and situated in the front row preserved for the tardy folks, we realized the audience was in the midst of watching a movie called, "Black", which is basically "The Miracle Worker" but set in India. As I opened my white paper bag and began discovering the contents - a strange and unappetizing sandwich, a can of Coke, and a package of little bean paste cookies - I realized that our movie was only about 15% English, and the subtitles were in Korean, and I was definitely not getting steak for dinner.

Once the movie was over at around midnight, that's when the performance part of the evening began. (2 minute video of the "highlights" included below.) At this point I was already exhausted and ready for bed. There were some English skits by foreign teachers, as well as Korean skits by native teachers, and some seriously good break dancing by a professional group. That all lasted about 90 minutes. Then at around 1:30am Mr. Song, the DYB founder, took the stage and began to speak about many things, and hand out many awards, all in Korean, and it was about this time that I began to wonder, "Will this ever end?" I am very grateful that it did finally end at 3am. At this point all I could think about was never sitting in a movie theater seat again, and getting home to my bed asap. To my surprise, there were huge DYB buses stationed outside the theater to swoop everyone to the party. At 3am. Everyone was going to be shuttled off to drink soju at some place the company had rented, and most of my co-workers were suddenly full of vim and vigor, ready to party. I couldn't believe it. I was so totally spent, fried, and my much more hardy Korean friends looked and acted fresh and rosy-cheeked and excited. Luckily, I found two teachers who were more interested in going home, and I was able to get a ride back to Suwon. I think I finally fell asleep around six.

I have had three nights out with Korean co-workers since I've been here that lasted until around 7am, but all of those times we were having fun. In fact, every night of my life that I've managed to stay up until the sun rose have been so delightful that sleep would be anticlimactic. This is the first time that I've been forced to stay up so late and got absolutely no enjoyment out of it. It was a little depressing.

In fact, it was the beginning of another little downward spiral for me. It was a yucky way to start the holiday week. Talk about anticlimactic... We have a meeting the morning of Christmas Eve, then work that night, then work Christmas morning and the morning the following day. I realize that I'm not in a Western country, and I need to respect the way things work here, and I don't mean Korea any disrespect, but I wish I could join my friends here for Christmas. If you could indulge my self-pity here for a moment, I am the only foreigner I know who is working on that day. In fact, there are very few Koreans I know - outside of my company - who are working on that day.

But, alas... C'est la vie. I will survive. And, hey, at least I now have an interesting story about a work meeting that lasted until 3am.

Song of Hope

2009-12-21T17:00:00.000-08:00

I've been the songbird of solitude and I've learned to be lost and alone.

Learned to sing solemn and frightened tunes, they were all this girl had ever known.

Oh, but there beneath the noise of fear there's a melody I hear.

I let go of the sad songs 'cause I'm learning a new one.

It sounds like, "Hallelujah". A song of hope.

I've been afraid I've been terrified and it's been my song for many years.

Lifted so many prayers to the sky and sleepless nights wondering who hears.

Oh, but there beneath the noise of doubt there's a voice that's singing out.

I let go of the sad songs 'cause I'm learning a new one.

It sounds like, "Hallelujah". A song of hope.

There's a new song in my heart - I could sing it all day.

There's a new song in my heart - and everything's changed.

I let go... I let go... I let go.

Live Octupus

2009-12-15T02:02:00.000-08:00

I bought a camera today, (it took me all of about 12 hours after getting paid to realize the necessary expense, and also to get excited about buying a new gadget. fyi, it's pink) and good thing, too, because today we ate live octupus! I have heard about this since even before I came here, and Gina and I decided it was a "now or never" situation since she's leaving so soon. You can see Ana, Kyung-hee and me in the cab on the way there, and then the bountiful harvest of sashimi, broiled fish, aforementioned octupus, oysters (though Gina said they're not technically oysters, but "oyster's cousin") and all the various accompanying side dishes. We also had a 3rd course of spicy fish soup, but that isn't in the picture. I've included video of the little squirmy guys below.

My take on the octupus was that it tastes a lot like octupus they serve at sushi restaurants, which I believe is boiled. The only real difference in taste was they were a bit more chewy, and a bit slimy. I've always loved octupus sashimi. Of course, beyond taste, was the experience of eating something that is still moving in your mouth and that must be chewed many times to completely "die". If you don't chew it enough, it can still be moving when you swallow it, so hearty chewing is recommended. The most interesting thing about it was the sensation of their little suckers actually sucking at my tongue and the inside of my cheek. The bigger the section you eat, the more powerfully they can "adhere" to you. When taking them off of the bowl, sometimes you literally have to pull at them, because they're sticking very powerfully to the bowl and/or each other, and of course wiggling around almost violently. Good times, people. Honestly, I think that my favorite thing about Korea is that there are so many new things to eat. Please enjoy the video of their hacked off wriggling little tentacles.

Christmas Preamble

2009-12-14T02:56:00.001-08:00

Well, it's Christmastime here in Korea, and you can see my humble little tree. Around it are some presents which my mother lovingly wrapped for me to take back with me after my Thanksgiving visit, and to open at some point with them during a skype video call. (If I ever run into those European tech-angels who invented skype, I shall kiss them squarely upon the lips as an earnest, "thank you".) I took this pic with my US cell phone since, sadly, my camera took the last breath in its slow death. Since that time, there have been several events I've wanted evidence of in pictorial form, but, alas, had to deal with the harsh reality. I'm hoping to buy a new one soon, and promise to take some better pics of the holiday happenings here.

Not surprising, but Christmas in Korea is very different from a Western Christmas. First of all, my academy is open. Yes, I will be working on Christmas eve until 11pm, and then on Christmas morning starting at 9am and going until 3pm. This, obviously, seems strange to a Westerner like me, because I work with children, and if I have to be there, it means the kids have to be there, too. But from what I understand, Christmas here is less about the kids, and more about a romantic day off for couples. It is a national holiday, so all public schools and most businesses are closed, but instead of gathering as a family and watching kids open presents, it's a day for couples to go out and about flaunting their togetherness, whilst single people stay home out of the shame of being seen alone. One of my Korean co-workers who is single told me she's glad to be working that day so she doesn't have to be reminded all day of her relationship status. Also, New Year is a more important holiday here than Christmas. Most of the seemingly Christmas-like decorations say "Happy New Year" instead of "Merry Christmas". On that day, children get money (the older they are, the more they receive) and it's considered more of a celebratory family day. Christmas, like Halloween, is a Western event, and so some Koreans get more into it than others, but it definitely is not the tradition that it is at home. Although this doesn't explain why we're also working New Year's Eve and New Year's Day... but I have given up always trying to understand everything that happens here. Sometimes you just throw up your hands and say, "It's Korea." I will reiterate that English academies are big business here, and the more days one stays open, the more money there is to be made. Even if only 25% of the students come, it's apparently still worth the expense.

I will miss being home for Christmas - I have never been away from my family for this holiday - but I don't feel any lack of love or "togetherness". So many of us are in the same situation, and there's a lot of comraderie in that, and solidarity, and it helps me to keep my sense of humor about things.

I will be interested in reporting what goes on at our DYB Christmas party, which will be held on a Saturday night starting at 10pm (since we all work late on that Saturday) and will go until who-knows-what-hour. I will like to see how this big company fetes us, and I've heard these parties have been pretty rowdy in the past. I also haven't observed too much of the dynamic of the hierarchy of Asian business professionals, and I know there are some customary things I need to "brush up" on so that I won't offend anyone in a higher position than me, or who is my elder.

Gina leaves me in only a matter of weeks. Life here will be very different without her. It makes me teary-eyed to think about it. She and Mauri will be taking off for their honeymoon in Thailand in mid-January, and then visiting his charitable organization in India, and then to Italy. I hope to visit her there when my contract expires this summer. I will miss her more than I can say. It makes me well-up just thinking about it, though I'm so happy for her. Ana, another dear friend with whom I've had a weekly bible study in my room for the past few months, will also be leaving at the end of the month to go study in Seoul and pursue her dream of perfecting her English and moving on to bigger and better things. It will be a month of good-byes, and of changes, but there's also a lot of celebrating to do.

Korea to America and Back Again

2009-12-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

Today is my first day back in Korea after having gone to the States for Thanksgiving. I was home for 8 days, using all of my vacation time right at the 6-month mark of my 12 month contract. I am only a tiny bit jetlagged (well, so far!), and feel just contemplative enough to try and blog even through a foggy, sleep-deprived brain. I took my camera, but took not a single picture, in part because my camera is dying a slow death, but mostly because I was so concerned with being in each moment that I forgot to capture said moments on film.

Being home was wonderful, but not in the way I had expected. I don't really know what I expected, but I had envisioned everything in slow-motion and soft-focused, bathed in yellow light. I would well-up with tears thinking about hugging my parents, cutting into a turkey, spending time with my friends, even doing things like taking long bike rides on the beach with my mom (something we've always loved to do together), or shopping in stores where the clothes are long enough and the shoes are big enough, or getting a martini with my best friend and talking for hours. The actual experience of those things was not bathed in yellow light, of course, but was more real, and so then inherently better. I took those bike rides almost everyday. I had the martini (or 2 or 3), and I did a lot of hugging. I definitely went shopping. All of these things were wonderful and felt like they recharged my battery. One of my friends said to "soak up all of the love" when I was at home, and I feel like a sponge that did just that.

But, here's the most surprising thing, and something I hadn't expected: I have changed. Granted, I was only home for 8 days, but even in that time I realized and could sense and discern that I have grown. I think I was able to see this because I was back in the old environment, and the old environment beckoned me to respond with the same fears, the same anxieties, the same mindset that I have been running in like a looped tape going over and over again for the last couple of years. Leading nowhere. And I felt that anxiety try to grip me again while I was home, but it didn't have a hold on me. It doesn't have a hold on me anymore. I think being here, being alone, having to face things, having to find God in the frightening hours, realizing God rushes in like a tidal wave to cover me with his love and grace when I'm in need - this has changed me, refined me a little more, like the biblical metaphor of gold being refined by the fire. Korea has been a gentle fire, I know. I don't pretend to have experienced some of the true flames that others have. But in my own personal journey, this has been significant. Life-changing. I am less and less afraid everyday. I am more and more enamoured of God and less worried about myself. I am more excited and hopeful about the future. I have a song in my heart again. And I'm only half-way through!

The hardest part of being back again will be the lonely hours - I'm not in a house full of people anymore with friends to see in the evening. I'm alone during the day and I work at night. It's a different kind of life. But I have songs to write still, and am learning to appreciate the stillness and the quiet. Maybe it has to do with being comfortable with myself? I don't know...

I realize now it's taking me much longer to write than normal. My brain is a cloudy, messy place, so I should probably retire this entry. More later on what's going on here in Suwon, not just in my head.

The Happenings in November

2009-11-16T03:15:00.000-08:00

First off, let's discuss the celebrations that have come with the fall and those first oh-so-chilly, I-am-from-California-and-can-barely-handle-it first touches of winter. My beloved friend Gina's Italian fiance finally arrived here in Korea. They had been in the throes of a cross-continental romance for the last few months, and now have finally experienced the joys of being together again. This was their "engagement party", though they've actually been engaged for months. But, this was our first chance to celebrate with and meet Mauricio, the man whom we have all heard so much about. He made us pasta (with real Italian parmigiano reggiano that he hand-carried in a huge block from Italia!), kimchi omelettes, we had wine, and all of it was on the roof of our building. It was, um... chilly to say the least, but we were warmed by the food and by the good company. And we were all definitely being a bit hammy for the cameras. All of these lovely ladies are my co-workers, several of whom I have grown very close to; closer than I ever expected I would in such a short period of time, and with so many cultural differences, but as cheesy as it sounds, it is so true that ultimately, we're all the same human material with the same struggles and the same joys.

Then, there is darling Pamela's birthday... Oh, what would I do here without Pamela? I can only say that the first day I went to my church, I met this woman, and we both realized we were meant to be bff's. So, like, we're totally bff's. She is a pillar of strength, a hoot, a riot, genuine and kind, intelligent and wickedly talented. She has been a light to me in some dark times I've experienced here, and is a light to everyone who knows her... I'm just blessed to be one of them. And here we are at an Indian food restaurant celebrating that she's now as old as I am (poor thing...), and I learned that Korea has the best Indian food I have ever tasted, and probably the most expensive, and it happened to be served in what looked like Pamela's grandmother's basement. Granted, the ambience wasn't all I'd hoped for (or all the website said it would be) but the 15 or so of us enjoyed the experience nonetheless.

And, finally, below you'll see my little people. I actually teach in about 15 different classrooms every week, so some kids I don't see as often as others, but I've endeavored to take some pics of the kids I am especially fond of, though I love them all. I say "endeavored" because many of the children here just don't want their pictures taken, especially the girls. It was driving my crazy. They're so demonstrative with me during class, and then as soon as I pull out the camera, they cover their faces and are absolutely determined to prevent me from my goal. Argh... But, some of the children obliged, and thankfully they are some of the faces I'm going to want to remember forever.

Song: Never Alone

2009-11-12T22:32:00.000-08:00

NEVER ALONE

I am walking by myself through town. It is autumn and the leaves are brown.

The sky is covered up by clouds. It's quite a chilly day.

In this lonely season of my life when there is no one walking by my side

I am talking to you and I find you hear each word I say.

And I will never be alone again

And I see now that I never was.

You have always been my closest friend

We have never been apart.

Though I am so far from home you've been

living here within my heart.

I know it's true, my home's with you and I will never be alone.

It's beautiful the way you speak to me and I can't believe how close you seem.

Amazing how someone I cannot see could be with me like this.

And I will never be alone again

And I see now that I never was.

You have always been my closest friend

We have never been apart.

Though I am so far from home you've been

living here within my heart.

I know it's true, my home's with you and I will never be alone.

Though there are lonely hours, and always will be

I know you will be there with me not just now but for all eternity.

Song: Once and For All

2009-11-12T22:18:00.000-08:00

ONCE AND FOR ALL

I have fallen down, I am on the ground.

I have made a mess of things.

Took my eyes off you, I guess my heart moved, too.

And it happened so quickly.

Once again so faithless but you're still faithful to me.

I am forgiven once and for all.

I am not doomed to stay down when I fall.

Though I am human and I'll make mistakes

I am made blameless by your perfect grace once and for all.

In this morning hour I can feel your power

and with my arms lifted up

Here there is no shame and there is no fear

there is only grateful love.

I am forgiven once and for all.

I am not doomed to stay down when I fall.

Though I am guilty you do not judge

All debts are paid by what Jesus has done once and for all.

Once and for all. Once and for all. Once and for all.

I am forgiven once and for all

I am not doomed to stay down when I fall

Though I am human and I'll make mistakes

I am made blameless by your perfect grace once and for all.

A New Song

2009-10-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

Just thought I might share a song with you. I am a songwriter (maybe not for the great wealth that I'll profit from it, but just because it's my favorite thing to do in the world) and after having come here and shaking up my whole life and mind and everything having to do with general stability, I haven't written much. But, thankfully, what I've prayed for seems to have come to pass, or at least the seeds are budding. I want to write again, and so I thought for those of you who were interested I'd share the first work I've finished here in Korea (actually there was one other, but I didn't like it enough, so it's in the graveyard.) I'm trying to articulate all that God is teaching me, and this song in particular is very personal to me. The lyrics, particularly the chorus, have been formulated during long walks and jogs where I tried to get away and be alone with God to understand what is so limited in me, only to discover what is so profound in Him. Only now am I really beginning to understand grace. There are very concrete instances in my life where I've been a recipient of this grace, and I think maybe it's only in midst of the reception of what one doesn't deserve, that the lightbulbs go on and in tears and profound gratitude one says, "Thank you. Thank you. What can I do to celebrate this love and this grace? "And this song doesn't do it any justice, but it's at least my attempt, and part of my journey here.

Sorry that the sound peaks during the loud parts. I am tempted to blame it on the microphone, but I think it's really due to my general loudness... I am a loud girl. Those of you who know me well are not shocked by this "confession".

Seasons

2009-10-06T17:22:00.001-07:00

Fall is truly a remarkable time of the year. Right after the crushing heat of summer, there is suddenly this freshness in the air, the skies are blue and scrubbed-clean, and some ancient longing awakens in our hearts and floats to the surface. I guess is has something to do with new beginnings. Being a Californian, I think I appreciate the experience of these drastic seasonal changes all the more because we don't have them. We have one season, summer, with only mild variations on the theme, "Sunny and warm." I am excited to know that in the coming weeks the leaves will change colors and fall from the trees, and then soon the freshness will turn to a more bitter cold and then there will be snow outside. Snow.... And I won't have to travel up a mountain to see it. It will be outside my window and stuck to my boots. We'll see how much I'm romanticizing it come February when I'm longing for the warmth of spring, but for now, it's all a black and white film and I'm moving through the streets in slow motion, smiling at the snowflakes.

So on the subject of new beginnings, I am in love with Korea again. I don't know exactly what happened, but I've been told that around the 3 month mark, people who've relocated to Korea have a tendency to get depressed. And that's exactly what happened to me. On the day I wrote my last entry here, I entered a downward spiral that lasted for about 3 weeks. It was pretty dark. I know I didn't come to Korea to "run away" from anything in my life, but at the same time, I still had to reawaken to myself, to look at some things in myself that I either didn't want to see or had buried for a while. Without getting too deeply into it, I think the initial distraction of being in a new country lasted for about 3 to 4 months, and then I had the same anxieties, frustrations, hopes and fears staring me in the face that I did before I left, only they were compounded by the loss of all prior comforts. The miraculous thing is that on the other side of the yucky depression is the beginnings of peace. I am excited for the opportunities God is giving me here at my church, with music and performing, and how He's opening my heart and mind again to being creative (something that has been stifled in me for a while). I have wonderful friends here, and I am learning to see all the free time I have during the weekdays as an exciting opportunity to write, to read, to take long walks and watch the leaves change colors, to sing songs, or to just be.

I just finished reading "The Wounded Healer" by Henri J.M. Nouwen, a writer I've heard so much about from friends though this is the first book I've read. He says this about loneliness:

"But the more I think about loneliness, the more I think that the wound of loneliness is like the Grand Canyon - a deep incision in the surface of our existence which has become an inexhaustible source of beauty and self-understanding.... When we are impatient, when we want to give up our loneliness and try to overcome the separation and incompleteness we feel, too soon, we easily relate to our human world with devastating expectations. We ignore what we already know with a deep-seated, intuitive knowledge - that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, nor man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition."

I believe this with all of my heart. And it is knowing this that brings peace: That loneliness will befall me always, that on this earth there is no heaven, only heavenly moments, and I walk now with the One I will see one day with my own eyes and experience all fullness of joy with, but now I only have moments of fullness and I see through a glass darkly. And that's okay. It's part of life. And one of the things I'm learning is that having a dark emotion or an ugly or bored feeling does not need to be "fixed". Sometimes it needs to be felt and understood, sometimes it needs to be told to "shut-up". Sometimes it just needs to be acknowledged.

This is not depressing. In fact, it's profoundly liberating. I am an American, and we are very much an instant gratification people, and that is deeply rooted in me. I think it is also one of the greatest causes of my anxiety as an adult, not only being impatient with dreams and hopes I've had for my life that are as yet unfulfilled, but more than anything being so impatient with myself. Feeling lonely doesn't mean I'm like a toy that's broken. Not being in the position or place in life I dreamt I would be by 33 years old doesn't mean I'm hopeless. It means I'm taking steps towards patience, steps towards discovering some of the mysteries God would whisper to me in the silence and the stillness of that Grand Canyon. And I'm feeling less and less afraid to do that now.

I have no photos for you in this entry, but would love to tell you a little bit about Cheusok, which is basically Korean Thanksgiving. It occurs I believe on the first full moon which commences the rice harvest, and that was this past weekend, October 3rd. On this day, families typically go to the father's parents' house, and the daughter-in-law does all of the cooking. This is common in Korea that the daughter-in-law is almost like a servant to her mother-in-law, and if her mother-in-law is not a very gracious or kind woman, her life can be quite hellish. The family will either go to their ancestor's graves, or the Buddhist temple, or simply honor them from home. In the "honoring", the families give all the food and drink that's been made as an "offering of thanks" to their ancestors for what they've received. Then the family eats the food after prayer.

This holiday is more important than even Christmas, so we got a blessed Friday and Saturday off from work and I took full advantage! On Friday, I went shopping with some girlfriends from church into Seoul where I discovered I can find things in my size! Well, at least shirts and skirts, but pants will never be long enough and shoes will never be big enough. But I was thrilled to buy 4 new shirts for the changing weather since I only have summer clothes and since I haven't bought ANYTHING to wear in 4 months. This is a world record for me. I felt like a princess. But there was a Gap, a Zara, Forever 21, and a couple of new-to-me European and Japanese clothing stores that had great stuff in them. Glad I don't live too close to Seoul or I might spend all my money instead of saving it! Then on Saturday we took a long bike ride to Seoul and back along the riverbed. It was an absolutely gorgeous day - I mean, perfect - and we had really good pasta in Seoul before turning back around. The ride was about 50 kilometers and took most of the afternoon. Then on Sunday I was able to play guitar and sing again during worship at my church. I am so thankful to be on a worship team again, particularly at this church, and feel more alive doing that than doing anything else on earth. I am so thankful...

Ranting American

2009-09-18T02:54:00.000-07:00

I hate Korea today. Today Korea wears the soulless face of the immigration office where I spent a stifling 2 hours, and another sweaty 2 trying to find it. And then, of course, I have to go back because I didn't have all the needed documents for my alien registration card. Today more than any other day, I feel like an alien. A foreigner with all the rights and privileges therein: the right to get lost, get confused, get disgruntled, get discouraged, get homesick for a life that is easier to navigate, and feel very, very lonely.

I splurged on a cab ride back home, and then splurged on a carb/fat/calorie bomb by going to Pizza Hut and eating a cheese-stuffed crust pizza (granted it was a child's size - I didn't go too nuts) and drinking two bottles of beer. I wanted the comfort of cheese and booze, and in my feeling-oh-so-sorry-for-myself state of mind, I also wanted to sit somewhere that reminded me of home. Even though at home I would never darken the door of a Pizza Hut because I think it's horrid, today it felt like a little slice of heaven, pun intended. Not to mention the fact that Pizza Hut here is an actual sit down restaurant with a higher grade of pizza, so it had an even more comforting effect than one back home would have.

But, even here amidst the familiarities of an American chain restaurant, I am clearly still in Korea. Only here do they sweeten the pizza dough with sugar, and put sweet potato mousse in the crust if you request it. And corn and potatoes are standard toppings. And Pizza Hut's showcase pizza right now has tomato sauce, mozzerella cheese, fried shrimp, and coconut flakes. One of my co-workers once ordered a pizza from a different establishment and they put blueberry jam on it. Korea does not understand pizza.

There have been many days where missing the people I love has felt like an actual physical pain, like someone is trying to pull my heart out of my ribcage with a string. There have been many days I have longed for the clothes and shoes I left at home since all of my belongings (including my wardrobe) had to be pared down to fit into 2 pieces of luggage, and no chance buying new things since shoes and clothes here are made for women who are 5'2" size 2. That hasn't been me since I was 7 years old. There have been many days I've wished something other than Korean Top 40 music - which is the most brain-grating uber cutesy gaggy synth pop I have ever heard - would assault my ears every place I go. But today was the first day I wanted to go home. Today I missed the United States, and as I've heard other ex-pats say, I felt a new longing for my country. Like an "I could kiss the ground at the feet of the State of Liberty" kind of feeling.

And I believe that on the other side of these feelings is a figurative shore I will one day reach. This is a storm tossed, topsy turvy, often a little yucky feeling position I'm in, but that is what I've realized in my life thus far is part of the experience of growing. Of stretching. It ain't all fun and games. I voluntarily put myself in this position because I knew I was stunted. Bored. Not growing. On the more peaceful figurative shore I hope to land on at the end of this year, I think I will know how to be more patient in hope even when it feels like my heart's being ripped out. I'll be a little less vain and materialistic, knowing I can go a year without needing my clothes to define me. I will be more tolerant of music that I can't stand... maybe. And I will never forget how important home is, not just for me, but for every human being alive. I hope I will have an open heart to others I meet who are aliens in strange places. When I was telling my friend about the deep loneliness that sets-in sometimes here, she told me that as a new mom whose husband was working a lot at the time, she was also feeling lonely and overwhelmed. "We all have our Koreas," she said. So true...

With two hours to kill staring at a wall at the immigration office, and at one of the worst passport-sized photos I've ever taken, looking wild-eyed and frightened (and why didn't I wear make-up today?) I couldn't help but get a little ponderous. My true home is a place I've never seen, but I know it in my heart. It's where my Father is and He's preparing a place there just for me. While I'm here in this body, on this shakey ground, He's the one who steadies me, who strengthens me, who blesses me, and who sometimes showers me with His love so profoundly that I almost can't stand it.

And I know that whether it's later tonight, or tomorrow, or next week, I will forgive Korea for her nastiness to me today. I'm already beginning to thaw a little.

2009-09-13T02:52:00.000-07:00

These are some photos of a ceremonial "changing of the guards" type of production. Gina and I happened upon this while looking for the Seoul Museum of Art to catch the Renoir exhibit. We work every afternoon 6 days a week, so to do anything outside of our little city takes quite a bit of effort and planning, and usually involves some sacrifice of sleep. On this particular day, we decided to go to Seoul on Friday, which meant we had to leave here at 8am (it's about an hour and a half of bus and subway to get to the museum) and we barely made it back in time for work, but it was absolutely worth it. I mean, come on, it's Renoir! It was a pretty stunning collection, too, and though I don't pretend to know anything about art, I was moved to tears by some of his paintings. He was described as the "painter of joy" in our leaflets, and after having seen his work in person, I understand why. The paint actually glowed sometimes, and I wondered how it was possible that a woman's gold bracelet could actually have the tangible shimmer of gold, and how sometimes a woman's skin could be as luminous as what I can only imagine an angel's would be. Gina, who was able to hear the only-in-Korean headphone tour, said Renoir used something in his paints to achieve this effect, but I still believe it had something more to do with a God-given ability to capture innocence and beauty.

We also ate budae-jiggae, which I had heard about but had never tried. I should have taken a picture of it, but I was too hungry in the moment to think of capturing it. It's a strange mixture of ramen noodles, dokh (delicious pasta-like rice dough, sort of like fat penne) spam, sausage, macaroni noodles... pretty much anything you can think to throw in a pot. "Budae" means "war", and "Jiggae" means "soup", so you're basically eating, "War Soup". As you can imagine because of the spam and macaroni, this came about during the Korean war and is a direct result of the rations provided by the American military. I have to say, it's pretty interesting, because it's sort of like diving for treasure. While we were eating it, I kept saying things to Gina like, "Here's a potato!", or, "Look, I got an Udon noodle!" Lots of processed meats, lots of vegetables, lots of processed starches. And, like almost everything else that's been served to me in Korea, lots of deliciousness, though the calorie count on this one was so high that I'm not likely to eat it again. But I'll try anything once. Except dog.

Which reminds me of a fascinating little tidbit. I ask my students questions at the beginning of each hour to encourage them to talk, and they're usually extraordinarily easy so as to be unintimidating, particularly for the kids who are at a very low level in speaking ability. A couple of weeks ago, I asked, "What is your favorite food?" I got a lot of standard answers, but one boy said, "Dog." I was surprised, because for most people, if they do eat dog, it's at specific times of the year, namely in the summer, as the dog meat is presumed to be energy-giving and beneficial in all sorts of non-medical but what-worked-for-our-ancestors-works-for-us traditional ways. It's also very expensive and difficult to come by in urbanized areas, so I was puzzled as to how this could be a favorite food. After grilling the boy for a while, I learned that when he visits his grandmother's house in the country, his uncle goes out and hunts wild dogs. I asked if he shot them, and he said absolutely not because that was illegal. (I since learned it's illegal to own a gun in Korea.) Instead, the uncle slits their throats. So, everytime he goes to his grandmother's house, they eat wild/stray dog soup. He said it's quite good, clearly, because it's his favorite food. Then, when I brought this up with Gina, she said traditionally, the dog would be caught, hung up, and beaten to death. Though this sounds incredibly inhumane, it was the best way to tenderize the meat. Apparently this doesn't happen much anymore since the majority of people don't even eat dog, and also more people see dogs as pets than as food nowadays. But this was all fascinating new information to me. In the midst of the answers of "pizza", and "spaghetti", and "ramen", and "dokh-poh-gee", I have to appreciate a country where a child can answer, "dog". This is why Korea is never boring.
These next photos are of a lunch I recently had with my gorgeous and incredibly kind yoga instructor, En-Jhung. I have a gym in the basement of my building (hello! convenient!) and met her on the day I joined. She has always been so incredibly gracious to me, apart from being a kick-butt yogi, and though we have a stark language barrier since I speak practically no Korean and she speaks only minimal English, we have some kind of connection anyway. It's hard for us to communicate, but we've both made it clear to each other that we enjoy each other's company. She is one of the many lights God has brought to me on this journey. We had ridiculously good mandu (Korean dumplings) a few weeks ago, and for this lunch we had the best galby (marinated beef barbeque) I've had since I got here. She brought her children who were both adorable and spoke some English, and we had a really nice time trying to communicate and stuffing ourselves. Oh my gosh... it was so good. I wish I could somehow convey with words how unbelievable so much of the food is here. I already know there will be days when I get back home that I will be driving around looking for a Korean food fix and will long for what I could get so easily here. Trust me, I am not taking it for granted. I just hope my deep appreciation will not be reflected in a 30 pound weight gain...

So in late August, I ended up going to Hong Kong for a whirlwind overnight trip to get my work visa. Hour and a half bus ride to the airport, hours waiting at the airport, 2 hour flight to China, hour and a half ride to my hotel, then walk to the embassy, walk back, repeat the next day. All of this on 4 hours of sleep the first day. I can't say it was glamorous, and though I really just wanted to stay in my hotel room watching English television (I don't have tv) and didn't really want to go outside into the 90+ degree heat with 100% humidity again, I kept thinking, "It's China. When will I be here again? Gotta try and take some pictures and experience the culture." And, to be quite frank, I was unimpressed. I was staying in the business district, and after having read so much Chinese literature, and watching "The Joy Luck Club" about 200 times, my expectations for China were pretty high, but what I found there was disappointing even if I hadn't expected anything. It's just a big city with big buildings and lots of foreigners. Yes, there's another Starbucks. Oh, look, a McDonalds! And apart from the American influence, there was the influence of big business and globalization everywhere. A little boring, and more than a little depressing. This is not the China of my dreams - in fact, I struggled to find a Chinese restaurant. There was an English pub, a Mexican food place, a gym with the word "California" in the title. There were plenty of Chinese street vendors, but I couldn't find a place to sit down for something that seemed "really Chinese". I was hoping to get dumplings, and found a place that served them. There was a newspaper clipping on the front saying the food was really good, there were full tables inside (usually a good sign) and my expectations were rising. But when I ate them, all I could think was, "These are better in Korea." There was too much onion in them, they were too "one note", and I think I'm so used to all the Korean side dishes I'm served all the time, I felt a little deprived of color and interest.

And I ate them after spending a sweaty afternoon walking around taking pictures, two of which were of strip clubs. This is the thing that breaks my heart about Asia, is that prostitution and degradation of women is so prevalent. Even in my neighborhood, there are a myriad of places with spinning barbor poles out front, which means there is prostitution inside. Though the strip joints here in Hong Kong were far more overt than what you would see in Korea, it's still all the same business, and it's still everywhere. And it's not in a back alley. These establishments were right behind my hotel, in the middle of the business district, a block from Starbucks and right next to a Mexican food restaurant. There's no hiding it here. Sex is for sale, and it's hard to pretend that that's not one of the main reasons so many foreign men are here. It's certainly not as bad a vibe as, say, Phnom Phen in Cambodia - at least the women here are all adults - but it still casts a dark pall on this experience, and you can't help but wonder, "What can I do to change this?"

These last two pictures are of the lone traveler trying to be silly with her camera in her hotel room. Alone. Kind of sad in retrospect, but I was trying to bring you all there with me! When I first got there, I was excited. And the bus ride into town was really beautiful, because the touchdown and the ride both really displayed how beautiful this country is - so much water, so much green, such a beautifully positioned bit of the world. But then as the bus started pulling into Hong Kong, the greenery abated and gave way to massive buildings, trash, areas of poverty, areas of opulence, honking horns... the usual. I pretend to be shocked by the view from my window, but I really was just pretending. It was thrilling to be in Hong Kong because, heck, it was Hong Kong! But I really wanted to get back to what now feels like My Korea, in particular My Neighborhood and My Life. If nothing else, the black big city-ness of Hong Kong made me appreciate even more my humble little place in what is fast becoming my beloved Korea.

A Bathhouse, a New Guitar, and Seoul Reflections

2009-07-20T22:03:00.001-07:00

Well, I have to apologize for having been so long in posting. Once my work officially began at my hogwan, I've found there isn't a whole lot of time for other things, especially now that Summer Intensive schedule has begun, which is just about as "intensive" as a schedule can get, I think, but it really is great. I actually love the fact that I am teaching ALL the time with no down time, because it makes the day go much more quickly, however tomorrow will be my first day of 8 teaching hours. That is a very long time, particularly on the vocal chords and the feet since it's 8 different classes, and I have to be very "on" for the kids. But I'm sure I will survive. If the Korean teachers can do it, this American teacher can, too!

I thought I might start with telling you about my bathhouse experience. Now, I realize that the term "bathhouse" has some seriously lewd connotations in the United States, and maybe everywhere else in the world for all I know, so let's refer to it as a jimjibang from now on. As far as I can tell, the jimjibang is a very Korean institution, and in every neighborhood everywhere in Korea, you will find them. For about $10 or less, you can spend the day or the evening at one of these places, usually open 24 hours (they even have sleeping rooms), and go in and out of therapeutic pools and sauna rooms, and pay a little extra for a massage or a body scrub. I went for the first time with Gina, my Korean friend, and will tell you about my experience. I will preface by saying that as always with Gina, I feel so fortunate to experience everything the Korean way, rather than the foreigner way. It's always so much more interesting to experience things like a local, and I'm so grateful that she's always excited to see things through my eyes.

So, we went when she got off of work, which was around 11pm, and only had to walk about two blocks to get to the nearest and biggest jimjibang in our neighborhood - I had never even known it was there! It was on the 7th and top floor of one of the buildings here, and when we entered we paid entry, took some towels and t-shirts and shorts from the front room, then went into the women's area. There we got our lockers, and disrobed. They don't do bathing suits at the jimjibang. It's "all natural". We took a towel and some one-use soap things you can pay for in the locker area, and we entered the pool/sauna area. These are women-only and men-only - intermingling between the sexes is only done in the communal areas and all wear t-shirts and shorts. We showered, then we sampled the pools. One was made entirely of wood, one was filled with Chinese herbs, all were of varying temperatures, some hot and some very cold. There were three different saunas, three different temperatures and styles. One was I guess a European sauna, with wood paneling, charcoal steam. Another had minerals completely covering the walls, and they were formed into beautiful murals. Gina said it was meant to be reminiscent of the inside of a cave. This one was by far the most sweat-inducing because it was very humid. The steam wasn't coming from a natural source, but was pumped in every few minutes and was very, very hot. The third was mud and wood, old school Korean. Gina said it reminded her of her grandmother's. I loved the pools, I loved the sauna.

I also loved our snack in the communal area of traditional jimjibang food - we had smoked eggs and this health drink that is thick and blended and tasted like the leftover milk in your bowl after you've eaten cereal. The smoked eggs were brown on the inside, but tasted quite good. The drink was delicious.

The plan then was to go to sleep, get the body scrub in the morning, and then go to work. With our t-shirts and shorts on, we went to the communal sleeping room, and laid down on the hardwood floor with very thin mats and little blocks to use as pillows. I was thinking, "I can do this... I can do this." We laid down, and after about 10 minutes, I thought, "I can't do this. I am not Korean enough for this." It was very hot. It was super loud - we had laid down near the only window and it was right by a freeway overpass. My hair was wet and I wanted a shower. I do not know how to sleep on a block. I tried for 2 more hours, and then at 3am I told Gina I had to go home. We had work the next morning, and I knew if I got no sleep, I would be miserable. So, I went home and slept, and all was well. Jimjibang's are lovely things, and I will definitely go back (I want that body scrub!) but I can't imagine that I will ever sleep in one.

Here is my newest toy! My guitar, handmade in Korea... well, maybe not "hand"made, but made nonetheless! Just got it today in Nagwon Arcade in Seoul, which you will see pictures of below. It is nearly impossible to find without some very good guidance because there's no signage anywhere. I found another blogger's site this morning VERY helpful as he gave step-by-step directions. This place has every musical instrument and accessory you can imagine, and it was really fun just to walk around. I couldn't help thinking how much my dad would love it, so I wanted to try and take enough pictures for him to experience it. Sadly, the pictures don't really do it justice, but I did try. And I am thrilled to have my guitar, and am thrilled at the approximately $120 price tag. (Thanks also to the bloggers who said to haggle! The gentleman at the story gave me an asking price of $200.)

Little bit of Konglish in the sign - "Close" until 11am. I was a super early riser this morning, and it's safe to say I beat the rush! I was there by 10:45am. You'll notice there are very few people in these pictures.

This is the little alleyway the web directions said to look for, then to go up the stairs. Thanks again for those step-by-step directions, mystery blog dude!

Yay for new friends! This is Pamela and Adam, and they're posing with me on the bridge crossing over to Suwon Station, which has a big mall. That night we ate dinner at Outback Steakhouse which is a large chain over here, though the menu is very different. And very expensive! I ordered a $25 ribeye that night that was probably 1/2 the size of an American Outback steak. But I still enjoyed every bite of it!
Pamela playing what appears to be a wicked game of Tetris at Suwon Station's arcade. It was massive, and this was one of the cheapy machines in the "old and ancient games" section.

These are some images from a night out with Gina in Seoul a few weeks back. Seoul is a magical mix of flashing lights that is just dense with people, particularly on a Friday night. Since Gina wanted to take me to see the nightlife, I noticed that every American I saw in this environment was loud and rude and drunk. I'm sure that can't be true of every American, but I just wish there would be some rowdy and obnoxious Swede, or something. I suppose that's less likely since there aren't a whole lot of Swedish army bases nearby. There's an area there called Itaewon where all the foreigners hang out, and without getting too deeply into it, it was pretty depressing. I have an even greater appreciation now for my city, which is not a small town by any means, but is small enough and far enough away from Seoul to be unsullied, yet close enough to be modern. Anyway, I digress...

Tarot card reader on the sidewalk. There are quite a few of them, and Gina tried to convince me to get a reading, but I have no interest in it. They can be had for about $3 to $5.

Both of these pictures are of a beautiful creek that runs for at least 2 miles right through Seoul. You can see that it's sort of "sunken", and is like a reprieve from the hustle and bustle. Gina told me the whole story of it's history, but since I can't remember every detail I don't want to embarrass myself. But, look! Pretty pictures! Anyway, we walked along this creek and talked for probably an hour and a half, and it was wonderful.

I wanted a picture of myself along one of these streets. I don't remember what section of Seoul we were in, but the streets were so narrow that they're now just for foot traffic and street vendors, and something about it seemed both majestic and quaint to me. You can see in this picture how bright everything is all the time from the signs - I think it was about midnight when we took this picture.

This is Gina ordering a couple of chicken skewers for us which are very popular street food here. You can usually order them in degrees of spiciness, and I've discovered that I like them at maximum spice. This particular vendor was very, very popular, and after having a skewer I could see why. Quite good.

2009-07-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

So, I will begin this post with a toilet. Why not? This is one of those squatting toilets that is actually not too common here (at least in my experience) but when I encountered one in the Seoul subway, I had to document it. It was a beautiful and very clean bathroom, by the way, and I would imagine that this is a very convenient way to do one's business, apart from the potential of making a mess of one's shoes. Sorry to be graphic, but it's the nature of things. Anyway, when one thinks "subway bathroom", one thinks, "Oh, at all costs, go somewhere else," but in reality, most things in Korea are well-kept, if not "clean" by American standards. I mean that in the sense that people buy a lot of products to ensure that no germ will ever touch them, and I don't think people care overly much about that here. And it's the strangest thing, but everyone washes their hands, yet there is nothing to dry them off with. I had no idea what to do until I witnessed other women in the bathroom, and they have this sort of brilliant way of shaking their hands mostly dry, and then walking out like doctors about to perform surgery. I can't get used to it, though. And you can't ever rely on there being toilet paper in the bathroom. For whatever reason, that's considered "up to you" to figure out. So at work, I have a stash of toilet paper, and now carry tissues with me. Most restaurants and other public places will give you toilet paper upon request before going to the bathroom. They are very frugal with paper products here. Is it to protect the environment??? I need to ask Gina about that one...

But I have yet to see a trace of vandalism, or of anyone running off somewhere looking guilty. There are actually a lot of free-standing nautilus-type gym devices in the parks all around here, and in America, those things would be vandalised within minutes. Here, in Korea, they're available for anyone to use 24/7, and they're always in beautiful condition. It's very interesting.

Okay, but the rest of this blog is devoted to what happens before the squatting toilet. Yes, I'm referring to food!

This is my gorgeous and very dear friend Gina (whose Korean name I still can't pronounce or remember) who has been the greatest friend to me since I got here. Her English is impeccable, and she's travelled all over the world, so she knows what it feels like to be a stranger in a foreign place. She has been my "culinary sage" and a good friend. She's always game to take me to a eat something new, and she's very good at picking great places. This is a picture of us at one of the least adventurous places we've been to. We're eating what the Chinese call "black noodles", and this is the Korean version. It has some kind of bean paste, and it's mixed with this delicious fat, chewy noodle. It was a very good lunch, and Gina said this is the "Korean McDonald's" because it's so cheap (probably about $2.50 usd) and it's very filling. And it was delicious.

This, is the monolithic, 4 stories of everything you could ever possibly buy, "Home Plus". Apparently it's a British chain, and they're all over South Korea. This shot is taken from the bridge I cross from my apartment to get to "Home Plus". The best way I can describe it is 4 levels of 4 completely different Wal-Marts. I guess Wal-Mart actually tried to get into South Korea, but they were given the big fat "no". Probably because this place is so huge, so convenient, and so ubiquitous, Wal-Mart wouldn't stand a chance. Bottom floor is a food mart, with everything from "Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf" to little dumplings and other Korean things that I don't recognize or understand yet. It's a world of smells down there, let me tell you.

These pictures are from the second floor which is the grocery department. It is massive and stocked with every pre-made thing you can imagine, mostly Korean, but lots of foreign/American things, too, but in the back of the store is all of the fresh stuff, including a bakery, a huge produce section, a huge fish section, a pork section, a beef section, a kimchi section... It's seriously insane. What I tried to capture here (and it was a little embarrassing - imagine going to Albertson's and seeing a tourist taking pictures of the produce) was the stuff that is so unlike a typical American grocery. I took pictures of things that I cannot identify. There are plenty of things in this department that I CAN identify, and those are the things I purchase. The rest I steer clear of out of sheer ignorance, not for lack of curiousity! Obviously I'm curious if I'm taking pictures.

This is something I absolutely adore here (and so does pretty much everyone else!) called "tdock-boh-kee", and I've no doubt killed the pronunciation. Anyway, I was thrilled that she happened to be making a batch when I walked by. You can see the finished product in the tray on the right, and basically what it is is rice finely ground and formed into a long sausage-like form, then sliced into scallop-sized pieces. It's then boiled, you can see her putting those pieces into the water, and possibly seared in a pan, then drenched in this amazingly spicy, incredibly delicious sauce. It's so wonderfully chewy, and the sauce is very hot and thick and flavorful. It's a favorite with adults and kids because it's just flat-out good. You can get it here, but you can also get it at many street vendors.

So, those of you who know me well know that I am a bit of a foodie, and nothing scares me. Though I'm no Anthony Bourdain and have never eaten the eyeballs and brains of a goat's head, I told myself before coming to Korea, "I'll try anything but dog," because in my naivete I thought dog would be sold everywhere and I'd have to do my best to avoid it. I've learned since coming here that although dog is eaten, it's usually in hidden, specialized restaurants, and not everyone does it. Some are staunchly opposed to it, while others have the belief that eating dog, especially during the hottest days of the summer, increases vitality and refreshes the body. It's usually served "family style" and you have to buy the entire dog, so you get the dog soup - which is quite pricey - and everyone eats it together. I've heard more men are "into it" than women are, and so far the only people who've told me they regularly enjoy it are men. I'm still relatively naive on the subject, though, having only been here a little less than a month.

Anyway, in my attempt to be fearless, and out of a desire to make something different than my usual ramen noodles and salad, I purchased a seafood and meat stew which is handpacked by the seafood department. It had clams, mussels, 3 baby octopus with their little round heads attached, 2 shrimp with all body parts attached, some kind of sea-dwelling creature that looked like a snail but wasn't, a little bit of beef, some zucchini, leeks, onions, cabbage, rice noodles, and two different sauces. It was also discounted, so I figured that was a good sign for one as poor as I. It was a monsoon day of rain, and I figured what better day for stew?

This is a picture of my absolute confidence that though I can't read the directions, I can still conquer the stew. How could it be that hard? Throw it all in a pot with the flavorings and see what happens. This next picture shows how incredibly short everything is in my apartment compared to me. Literally, my back hurts after cooking or doing dishes from having to hunch over like quasimodo. It's still worth it, though, to see what I can manage to do with my 2 hotplates, and no microwave. Or oven.

The rest of the pictures show you the stew on the boil, the presentation of my little meal, and the aftermath. The verdict? I don't like eating things with heads. I've always really liked octopus, and I tried one of the heads, but I really didn't enjoy it. The second octopus I decapitated, and the third octopus I threw away. I am ashamed to admit that though a lover of shrimp, I took no joy in removing it's head, antenna and little beady black eyes and all, and it robbed me of some of the joy of eating it. As for the snail-like sea-dweller, it was actually pretty tasty, but I was bothered that I didn't know what it was. The outside meat was white, and then when the rest is pulled out, it's partial brown meat, like the inside of a crab or a lobster. Its brothers are still residing in my refrigerator. I'm still deliberating as to whether I try them again or just be done with them. I was most excited by the mussels, the clams, and the beef. And am now, I find, just another squeamish American. But, I did think the seasonings were pretty drab. So maybe it's not all my fault. Take that, "Home Plus"! And I DID like the pig intestines filled with rice, so I think I'm still at least a little bit Korean.

A lonely day...

2009-06-26T02:03:00.000-07:00

I don't have any new pictures to share today, but am treating this more as a journal entry. I have realized that even after only what today marks Day 15, I long to express myself in my native tongue. Sounds silly, but in Suwon, and at my school in particular, everyone is Korean, and though many teachers speak very, very well, it is still an all-day, everyday adventure in communication. I have become relatively expert at pantomiming my needs with the locals at shops and such, and have already developed what promises to be a very annoying habit of using my hands and arms in wild gesticulating. (This is very helpful in classes with the kids, as well as its general usefulness in living life.)

I am making an attempt to learn Korean, but this will be no easy task. There is no Latin root to associate it with, so it's sort of like being an infant all over again. I have been told that it will take no more than 3 hours to learn to read the language, since it's very scientific and logical, but I am not very scientific and logical, so it feels like Algebra class when I sit down and try to memorize the shapes and correlate them with the sounds. It is not easy for me. What is easier is speaking with correct pronunciation, but I won't know what the heck I'm saying. So far, I can say "hello" (ahn-yahng assehyo), "thank you" (gam-sa-ham-neh-dah) and "beer" (mek-jew). I haven't had the need to use "mek-jew" so far, but it's weird what words will stick when they're taught. (This is also helpful in the classes with kids, because the junior high students will always giggle when their foreign teacher knows Korean for beer.) The weirdest thing I've eaten so far is something called "soon-dye" which, to the best of my knowledge, is cow or pig intestine that's been stuffed with sticky rice. It's grey/black in color, but when you dip it in this spicy sauce, it's actually not bad. Very chewy. Probably not something I would order again, but tasted much better than it's appearance. I now know there are all different types of kimchi, and the occassional whiff of it out of some particular shops on a hot day makes me want to vomit. However, I like it. (Not the urge to vomit, mind you, but the kimchi itself.) Apparently, the shops that age their kimchi longer than the other ones have more of a putrid smell due to the fermentation, though when you taste it it's very good. It just literally smells like death. I'm sure I will get used to it, and probably have already acclimatized somewhat, because my first week here, I would get a gag reflex. Now I just think, "Oh, that's unappetizing." I would also get a gag reflex in my elevator (no elevators here have a/c) which smells like a dirty armpit. Always. Like being smuggled in a ripe, unwashed, ancient armpit to and from my home. Despite the little automatic air freshening robot thingie that will occassionally squirt out an attempt at covering it, that odor is fierce and unyielding. But even that I've grown more and more accustomed to. I don't have to cover my nose anymore.

Today is the first day that I've felt less like a daring adventurer, a fledgling journalist, a girl exploring the world for the heck of it, and felt more like a foreigner in a strange land, far away from the people she loves, wondering what to do with her days. I will say that I think I've had it easier than most. God has provided friends for me, and I have been received with open arms by everyone at my school and my new church home. Most of the teachers at my school spent some time studying abroad and know what it feels like to be "the foreigner", and everyone at my church is an ex-patriate who remembers distinctly his or her first days here. It could be a whole lot worse. But, I think that now that the initial excitement of leaving and transplanting has begun to wear off, the reality of what I've embarked upon has sunk in. And there have been moments up until this point where I've had the exciting realization, "This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and this is exactly where I'm supposed to be," which can change in an hour to, "What am I doing here? This was a horrible mistake." But, to be honest, it's mostly the first sentiment, not the second. I think I'm entering the period which is neither elation or despair, but the settling into what it means to be living here.

There was this last Monday when I ventured to Seoul for work, and had to navigate the bus and subway system for the first time. On the way there, not too tragic apart from getting off at the wrong subway stop and walking around in excruciating heat for about 30 minutes, arriving at work a sweaty and disgruntled mess. On the way home, much more tragic as I couldn't find the bus stop (the bus stop home was different from the bus stop there) and then when I did, I waited for 90 minutes and my bus never arrived. After getting on the wrong bus, and heading in God-knows-what direction, I dismounted and spent a bazillion dollars I don't have on a cab ride back to Suwon at about midnight. That left me feeeling really insecure, particularly because I'd only had four hours of sleep due to the dynamite explosions and jackhammering happening outside my building as they build a subway station. This is the explanation for the "air raid" style sirens I'd been hearing; they do the sirens, then a countdown, than "ka-boom"! But, I ask you, does that have to commence at 6:00am? One morning it was 5:30am! This is where Korean work ethic in all of its admirability seems harsh and unfair for those of us who don't get off work until about 11pm.

But, in sharp contrast to all of this whining, I have my dear Korean friend Gina (that's her English name, and all the Korean teachers adopt one at my English school, and thank God because it's going to take me half a year to remember the Korean names) who was available to me via cell phone the whole time, and helped me in the midst of my distress. She was even going to wait up for me and make sure I got home safely. When no one around you speaks your language, and everything is new and strange, and you feel so totally alone, it's amazing how one friendly and caring soul can change your outlook on the world. I don't know what I would have done without her that night, or in several other instances. She's an amazing woman - a godsend - and I am extremely grateful for her. I can probably never repay her for the light she's been to me since I got here, but I am hopeful that once back in the States, or wherever I go, I will have a greater sensitivity for and willingness to help those who find themselves lost and need help getting somewhere. Literally or figuratively, you need someone to show you the way.

I'm thankful for the vulnerability, but it's difficult to be this "in need". I don't know if that's an American thing, a Vanessa thing, a human thing, or all 3, but you can't pretend you're totally in control and everything's as you expected when you can't even read a menu. I can already see how my time here will change me, and I'm actually very grateful to be in a city without a lot of foreigners. It keeps me from running to a safe place and pretending I'm not a bazillion miles from home. It keeps me "on my toes" and remembering my limitations.

So, I felt lonely today. It was pretty bad. But then I realized that I could feel lonely anywhere, and the feeling is not the reality. I am not alone. My Father is with me, and I felt him very acutely today while reading the Bible and crying and praying to Him. He filled me up. And via the internet I had encouragement from friends, and conversation (I feel like skype was created just for me), and realized the world has gotten so much smaller than it used to be. If I were here even 5 years ago, I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone I wanted to for free, and see their faces. I'm not such a brave adventurer so much as I am a needy wanderer who day-to-day stands amazed as all of her needs are met. And so far I think that's a pretty amazing position to be in. No pretending that I am my own provider. No illusions of my own autonomy. No safety nets.

Okay, maybe I am a brave adventurer. And maybe I'm not that at all, but it's a very fun thought to entertain.

One of the teachers at my school - English name Ana - attended the "wine and cheese" party I threw for my co-workers last Saturday night. Wine is a great treat here, because it's all imported, and pretty expensive. Soju - a blend of rice wine and some other very potent alcohol - is readily available and about $1.50 per bottle. Soju is very, very popular here. Anyway, I went to the store for some cheeses, which were very expensive, and some fruit and wine, which are also very expensive. Now all I needed was some crusty baguette and some crackers. At the grocery store (the monolithic "Home Plus") I found a few cheeses, and only rice crackers. At the chain store "Paris Baguette" which is on every street corner here in Korea, I found no baguette. And no crusty bread of any kind. Everything is the consistency of egg bread, very moist, with a hint of sweetness, and totally not right for a wine and cheese party. (I did find kimchi croquettes, however, which I would have been tempted to try were I not so peeved at not finding a baguette. How could they not have one????) So I tried drying out the bread on my hot plate to no avail. The girls ended up drinking the wine, eating the fruit, and eating the Korean food Gina brought for me to sample. After leaving the cheese out to sweat in my hot apartment for hours while we went to sing passionately at norebang (Korean karaoke, hugely popular here), it was all ruined and went into the trashcan. No exaggeration, I'm talking $100 worth of cheese and stupid sweet egg bread.

Anyway, Ana wants to learn guitar and she has one! I'm going to give her lessons in exchange for using her guitar until I can afford to get one, since she doesn't know how to play yet and it just sits in her classroom. This was the highlight of my day today, since I have really missed my guitar very much. And I learned an invaluable lesson: Don't have wine and cheese parties without doing some starch research.

Next post with pictures, I promise.

One week in

2009-06-19T01:55:00.001-07:00

Today is technically my 8th day in South Korea, though it already feels like I've been here far longer. I am happily set-up in my very cute Suwon digs, complete with a yellow pleather futon, a separate shower (most here have a shower attached to the sink and a communal drain, so I'm very fortunate to have this Western comfort), a double bed, and two hot plates. I have already become a master at the hot plates, since I still have no idea what to order in the restaurants, and don't want to do anything customarily offensive or stupid. I will be eating in these restaurants for a year, so I've only entered two with people who know what they're doing. So far I've had the beef and pork equivalents of what we call Korean bbq in the States, but actually have distinct names here depending upon what meat it is you're eating, and restaurants will serve only one style or the other. And oh my stars, both meals were absolutely delicious. And there's still so much more to try!

It is hot. And it's not nearly as hot now as it's going to be in July and August when the temperature will be in the mid to high 80's with humidity from hell. It should also rain quite a bit in July, so that will be interesting. I'm from California where we don't actually have "seasons" or "weather changes", so it will be fun to experience them.

I am in awe of my fellow teachers here at my hogwan, as well as the students. Koreans have an exceptional work ethic, and it is understood that you work very long hours and that's just the way life is. Teachers at my school work 6 days a week, Monday through Saturday, typically from 2pm until 11pm, but most come in earlier and stay later. Kids come here to the English school right after regular school and classes for all ages (elementary to high school age) run until 10:40pm. Some of the high school students stay as late as 1:00am if they're struggling in an area or didn't pass an exam. It's an amazing thing to witness. English schools are big business here, and I'm blessed to be at one of the largest and most established. Many open and close very quickly, and there are lots of "scam artists" who pretend to be skilled teachers, but are only native speakers with no credentials, and they open schools to make a fast buck. There have been and continue to be aggressive efforts to close these places down, but even well-qualified schools can still close quickly since there are so many private English learning schools to choose from. There have been cases of teachers moving to Korea, only to find that the school that hired them closes its doors soon after. My school has been around for about 20 years, so there's no danger of that.

As for my position, I don't have the same workload as the Korean teachers. I pop into their classes on a rotating schedule and using the materials created by my school, I speak English with them and encourage them to speak and to write as much as possible. So far, I've found it to be really enjoyable, particularly since I'm so accustomed to American students who are far less, shall we say, "motivated" to learn and are perhaps maybe, um, less "well-behaved". In short, I'm already in love with them. And with the teachers, who are an amazing group of women.

I haven't met many Westerners yet, but am looking forward to going to a large English speaking church that is located in Suwon and in my neighborhood. Apparently, people commute from Seoul and other areas to get there, so I'm very fortunate that it's walking distance from me. Can't wait to experience that. Here's the link if you want to take a look at it: http://www.lifechurch.co.kr/

I will post the measly few pictures I've taken here in a little while - I'm composing this from school from a different computer. I have always been hopeless when it comes to remembering to take pictures of things, but there are so many things I want to share, so I will try to be more diligent. Nay, I WILL be more diligent! This is my solemn vow.

First Day in Korea

2009-06-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it's about 6:00am back home in California, it's about 10:00pm here in Korea, and only God knows what time my body is on. The last thing I know is I slept fitfully for about 7 hours from Los Angeles to my connecting flight in Taipei, and the best I can figure is, that was about 19 hours ago. But, whatever, I am so full of adrenaline that at this point it doesn't really matter.

I am now in Seoul where the corporate offices for the English school that hired me, DYB (stands for "Do Your Best" which is "Choisun" in Korean), are housed, and am at a temporary apartment until tomorrow morning when I'll be taken to Suwon, a suburb of Seoul about an hour southwest. At that time I'll meet my fellow teachers and staff, meet the kids I'll be working with, and be able to lay down all the luggage I've saddled myself with in my permanent apartment. One of the most difficult things about preparing for this journey was, "What the heck do you pack for a year???" No doubt in my 150 lbs of luggage I've still forgotten something mandatory, and even things I DID remember are now suddenly not in my possession. For whatever reason, odd and sundry toiletries were somehow removed from my luggage - things that - apart from my razors - I couldn't have with any reasonable forethought have determined would be threatening to any security personnel. So, I lose a toothbrush - at least I got my luggage. And my health. But, I don't have a towel, and if my experience at my temporary digs is any indicator, I need to get myself to some kind of Korean Kohl's post-stat.

A very nice Korean man struck up a conversation with me as we were waiting for our flight from Taipei to Seoul, and he's lived and visited many places, namely South Korea, China, and the US. He was just coming back from a 3 month trip to Los Angeles where he was pursuing meetings with various business professionals about his aspiring importing/exporting business. We were sort of trading our stories about America versus other cultures (I mostly listening, of course, because my international travels were no where near as extensive as his) and he said something that I thought was very interesting: Korea is a land of extremes. Extremely cold winters, extremely hot summers. The people, he said, are extreme in their pursuits and their passions. Children and adults sleep very little because there's so much work to do, and so much fun to be had. Even North Korea is extreme in it's need to be separate from the rest of the world, and South Korea in it's earnest desire to grow and succeed as a world power. He also said he felt that since South Korea is such a burgeoning place, it has learned to glean the best from Japan and America and become its own entity. From Japan, they've adopted a similarity of efficiency, style and sensibility. I'll give you more efficiency examples later, but as for similarities of style, the elevator in this building makes a sound like a slot machine when it reaches your floor. It gives one that "life is a videogame, and I like it!" feeling. And most food items try to entice you with animated characters and bright primary colors. So, of course, "Food is fun! I want to buy this!" From America, he said, they've adopted a sense of openness and expression in their opinions and feelings. He also said that of all the places he's been, the United States is the place he thinks has it the most "together", and the place he thinks is most worth striving to match. I am not running an advertisement, by the way, but I thought this uncensored and unprovoked commentary was very interesting! Those were his words, not mine. After having been here only about 6 hours, seeing the lights and magic and meeting people who've welcomed me with open arms, I can say for certain that I'm not in the United States - and don't know enough about Japan to comment - but I know there is something here I like more than the US, and something I desperately miss. It will take me some time to figure it out. And this was the reason I came - to experience something totally different. And even after only a day, I'm amazed at the welcome reception I've received...

But I'm also wondering what in the world I've gotten myself into. I am already homesick, namely when I begin to think, "I'm not going to see my family and friends for a year... How am I going to do this?" But, remarkably, I have an incredible sense of peace about it. I know that God ushered me into this experience, and I know there will be blessings, and I know there will be hardships. Such is life. But one thing is certain: I will be in His hands, and so I have no need to worry about it. Just walk it out. I am also already so thankful for the internet since it's such an obvious and immediate connection to those faces I miss, and I am very grateful to have a connection in this room on my first night. I wasn't anticipating that.

So I invite you to "walk it out" with me, and I am ardently praying that I'll have something worthwhile to say or to show you. I read so many of these blogs (2 in particular I pored through more than once) before making the decision to come here, and I'm wanting to document this experience for those who know me (and care to read it!), but also for those who don't have any clue who I am, but want to know about whether they should take the leap and teach English in South Korea. So, again, I hope and pray this is worth your while. If not, it is at least a cathartic and public journal entering exercise for me.

Pictures to come, videos to come (I hope - depends on whether or not I splurge and buy a digital camcorder! Though I am at the home of Samsung) and assuredly some silly ramblings of mine. Let me leave you with some verbal snapshots of my last how-ever-many hours, since I haven't actually taken any pictures yet:

1. Both in Taiwan and in Korea, people wear those hospital face masks just casually walking around. In the Taipei airport, there were several posters describing the symptoms of H1N1 and why you should see a doctor immediately. Before landing in Seoul, there was a little cartoon of a sick coughing man going to the doctor and getting treatment before the nightmare scenario of "what could have been" - killing everyone around him. I couldn't read the characters, but I got the drift. We could call them crazy, but the only H1N1 breakout they experienced was because of a native English speaking teacher. (Granted, that last fact comes from my driver, so I can't verify it, but he sounded very adamant and knowledgable!)

2. Children ride bikes around here at ungodly hours, and everything is open 24 hours, and nobody is ever afraid. Ever. I think crime is non-existent here. (However, again, that statistic is from my driver.)

3. Korea is beautiful. I was shocked as our plane flew low over the coastal landscape, and even as we drove deeper into the city, how lush and green and hilly it is. It reminded me (and still does) very much of Honolulu even in the most urban parts.

4. I am terrified to go get food because I have no idea what's on the menu, and even if I could read it, I'm still thinking I'm going to order the stupid American thing. The street signs here are all in Korean and English, but when it comes to eating out, that's an entirely different story. Since landing I have had two canned espressos and a frightening-looking-though-very-tasty fried chicken wing from a mini-mart attached to this apartment building, though I'm surrounded by restaurants. I guess I have to give myself some grace since it's day 1. I also walked around for an hour trying to find someplace that would sell me a hair dryer, and was reduced to trying to deduce from the window displays what they sold since Korean still looks like gibberish to me. But I will learn! Good friends have given me dvd's and books, and I will open them..... Eventually. And even though my hair dryer doesn't work, I walked into a hair salon nearby with wet hair and pantomimed hair drying, and the owner generously let me dry my own hair with his hairdryer and brushes for 5,000.00 Korean won. (That's only a little under $5. I know I still got ripped off, but in the moment I totally didn't care.)

5. Koreans are generous and wonderful people. I can already tell. I have walked into 3 stores now where the personnel haven't spoken a word of English, and here I am the totally American looking, totally irritating, totally ethno-centric English speaking tourist, and they have been nothing but gracious and accomodating. That speaks loads about their culture, and though I am absolutely a stranger in a strange land, there are much stranger lands to be in.

I shall now try to sleep. Am very excited and hopeful about seeing the school and its inhabitants tomorrow.