A lonely day...

I don't have any new pictures to share today, but am treating this more as a journal entry. I have realized that even after only what today marks Day 15, I long to express myself in my native tongue. Sounds silly, but in Suwon, and at my school in particular, everyone is Korean, and though many teachers speak very, very well, it is still an all-day, everyday adventure in communication. I have become relatively expert at pantomiming my needs with the locals at shops and such, and have already developed what promises to be a very annoying habit of using my hands and arms in wild gesticulating. (This is very helpful in classes with the kids, as well as its general usefulness in living life.)

I am making an attempt to learn Korean, but this will be no easy task. There is no Latin root to associate it with, so it's sort of like being an infant all over again. I have been told that it will take no more than 3 hours to learn to read the language, since it's very scientific and logical, but I am not very scientific and logical, so it feels like Algebra class when I sit down and try to memorize the shapes and correlate them with the sounds. It is not easy for me. What is easier is speaking with correct pronunciation, but I won't know what the heck I'm saying. So far, I can say "hello" (ahn-yahng assehyo), "thank you" (gam-sa-ham-neh-dah) and "beer" (mek-jew). I haven't had the need to use "mek-jew" so far, but it's weird what words will stick when they're taught. (This is also helpful in the classes with kids, because the junior high students will always giggle when their foreign teacher knows Korean for beer.) The weirdest thing I've eaten so far is something called "soon-dye" which, to the best of my knowledge, is cow or pig intestine that's been stuffed with sticky rice. It's grey/black in color, but when you dip it in this spicy sauce, it's actually not bad. Very chewy. Probably not something I would order again, but tasted much better than it's appearance. I now know there are all different types of kimchi, and the occassional whiff of it out of some particular shops on a hot day makes me want to vomit. However, I like it. (Not the urge to vomit, mind you, but the kimchi itself.) Apparently, the shops that age their kimchi longer than the other ones have more of a putrid smell due to the fermentation, though when you taste it it's very good. It just literally smells like death. I'm sure I will get used to it, and probably have already acclimatized somewhat, because my first week here, I would get a gag reflex. Now I just think, "Oh, that's unappetizing." I would also get a gag reflex in my elevator (no elevators here have a/c) which smells like a dirty armpit. Always. Like being smuggled in a ripe, unwashed, ancient armpit to and from my home. Despite the little automatic air freshening robot thingie that will occassionally squirt out an attempt at covering it, that odor is fierce and unyielding. But even that I've grown more and more accustomed to. I don't have to cover my nose anymore.

Today is the first day that I've felt less like a daring adventurer, a fledgling journalist, a girl exploring the world for the heck of it, and felt more like a foreigner in a strange land, far away from the people she loves, wondering what to do with her days. I will say that I think I've had it easier than most. God has provided friends for me, and I have been received with open arms by everyone at my school and my new church home. Most of the teachers at my school spent some time studying abroad and know what it feels like to be "the foreigner", and everyone at my church is an ex-patriate who remembers distinctly his or her first days here. It could be a whole lot worse. But, I think that now that the initial excitement of leaving and transplanting has begun to wear off, the reality of what I've embarked upon has sunk in. And there have been moments up until this point where I've had the exciting realization, "This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and this is exactly where I'm supposed to be," which can change in an hour to, "What am I doing here? This was a horrible mistake." But, to be honest, it's mostly the first sentiment, not the second. I think I'm entering the period which is neither elation or despair, but the settling into what it means to be living here.

There was this last Monday when I ventured to Seoul for work, and had to navigate the bus and subway system for the first time. On the way there, not too tragic apart from getting off at the wrong subway stop and walking around in excruciating heat for about 30 minutes, arriving at work a sweaty and disgruntled mess. On the way home, much more tragic as I couldn't find the bus stop (the bus stop home was different from the bus stop there) and then when I did, I waited for 90 minutes and my bus never arrived. After getting on the wrong bus, and heading in God-knows-what direction, I dismounted and spent a bazillion dollars I don't have on a cab ride back to Suwon at about midnight. That left me feeeling really insecure, particularly because I'd only had four hours of sleep due to the dynamite explosions and jackhammering happening outside my building as they build a subway station. This is the explanation for the "air raid" style sirens I'd been hearing; they do the sirens, then a countdown, than "ka-boom"! But, I ask you, does that have to commence at 6:00am? One morning it was 5:30am! This is where Korean work ethic in all of its admirability seems harsh and unfair for those of us who don't get off work until about 11pm.

But, in sharp contrast to all of this whining, I have my dear Korean friend Gina (that's her English name, and all the Korean teachers adopt one at my English school, and thank God because it's going to take me half a year to remember the Korean names) who was available to me via cell phone the whole time, and helped me in the midst of my distress. She was even going to wait up for me and make sure I got home safely. When no one around you speaks your language, and everything is new and strange, and you feel so totally alone, it's amazing how one friendly and caring soul can change your outlook on the world. I don't know what I would have done without her that night, or in several other instances. She's an amazing woman - a godsend - and I am extremely grateful for her. I can probably never repay her for the light she's been to me since I got here, but I am hopeful that once back in the States, or wherever I go, I will have a greater sensitivity for and willingness to help those who find themselves lost and need help getting somewhere. Literally or figuratively, you need someone to show you the way.

I'm thankful for the vulnerability, but it's difficult to be this "in need". I don't know if that's an American thing, a Vanessa thing, a human thing, or all 3, but you can't pretend you're totally in control and everything's as you expected when you can't even read a menu. I can already see how my time here will change me, and I'm actually very grateful to be in a city without a lot of foreigners. It keeps me from running to a safe place and pretending I'm not a bazillion miles from home. It keeps me "on my toes" and remembering my limitations.

So, I felt lonely today. It was pretty bad. But then I realized that I could feel lonely anywhere, and the feeling is not the reality. I am not alone. My Father is with me, and I felt him very acutely today while reading the Bible and crying and praying to Him. He filled me up. And via the internet I had encouragement from friends, and conversation (I feel like skype was created just for me), and realized the world has gotten so much smaller than it used to be. If I were here even 5 years ago, I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone I wanted to for free, and see their faces. I'm not such a brave adventurer so much as I am a needy wanderer who day-to-day stands amazed as all of her needs are met. And so far I think that's a pretty amazing position to be in. No pretending that I am my own provider. No illusions of my own autonomy. No safety nets.

Okay, maybe I am a brave adventurer. And maybe I'm not that at all, but it's a very fun thought to entertain.

One of the teachers at my school - English name Ana - attended the "wine and cheese" party I threw for my co-workers last Saturday night. Wine is a great treat here, because it's all imported, and pretty expensive. Soju - a blend of rice wine and some other very potent alcohol - is readily available and about $1.50 per bottle. Soju is very, very popular here. Anyway, I went to the store for some cheeses, which were very expensive, and some fruit and wine, which are also very expensive. Now all I needed was some crusty baguette and some crackers. At the grocery store (the monolithic "Home Plus") I found a few cheeses, and only rice crackers. At the chain store "Paris Baguette" which is on every street corner here in Korea, I found no baguette. And no crusty bread of any kind. Everything is the consistency of egg bread, very moist, with a hint of sweetness, and totally not right for a wine and cheese party. (I did find kimchi croquettes, however, which I would have been tempted to try were I not so peeved at not finding a baguette. How could they not have one????) So I tried drying out the bread on my hot plate to no avail. The girls ended up drinking the wine, eating the fruit, and eating the Korean food Gina brought for me to sample. After leaving the cheese out to sweat in my hot apartment for hours while we went to sing passionately at norebang (Korean karaoke, hugely popular here), it was all ruined and went into the trashcan. No exaggeration, I'm talking $100 worth of cheese and stupid sweet egg bread.

Anyway, Ana wants to learn guitar and she has one! I'm going to give her lessons in exchange for using her guitar until I can afford to get one, since she doesn't know how to play yet and it just sits in her classroom. This was the highlight of my day today, since I have really missed my guitar very much. And I learned an invaluable lesson: Don't have wine and cheese parties without doing some starch research.

Next post with pictures, I promise.

One week in

Today is technically my 8th day in South Korea, though it already feels like I've been here far longer. I am happily set-up in my very cute Suwon digs, complete with a yellow pleather futon, a separate shower (most here have a shower attached to the sink and a communal drain, so I'm very fortunate to have this Western comfort), a double bed, and two hot plates. I have already become a master at the hot plates, since I still have no idea what to order in the restaurants, and don't want to do anything customarily offensive or stupid. I will be eating in these restaurants for a year, so I've only entered two with people who know what they're doing. So far I've had the beef and pork equivalents of what we call Korean bbq in the States, but actually have distinct names here depending upon what meat it is you're eating, and restaurants will serve only one style or the other. And oh my stars, both meals were absolutely delicious. And there's still so much more to try!

It is hot. And it's not nearly as hot now as it's going to be in July and August when the temperature will be in the mid to high 80's with humidity from hell. It should also rain quite a bit in July, so that will be interesting. I'm from California where we don't actually have "seasons" or "weather changes", so it will be fun to experience them.

I am in awe of my fellow teachers here at my hogwan, as well as the students. Koreans have an exceptional work ethic, and it is understood that you work very long hours and that's just the way life is. Teachers at my school work 6 days a week, Monday through Saturday, typically from 2pm until 11pm, but most come in earlier and stay later. Kids come here to the English school right after regular school and classes for all ages (elementary to high school age) run until 10:40pm. Some of the high school students stay as late as 1:00am if they're struggling in an area or didn't pass an exam. It's an amazing thing to witness. English schools are big business here, and I'm blessed to be at one of the largest and most established. Many open and close very quickly, and there are lots of "scam artists" who pretend to be skilled teachers, but are only native speakers with no credentials, and they open schools to make a fast buck. There have been and continue to be aggressive efforts to close these places down, but even well-qualified schools can still close quickly since there are so many private English learning schools to choose from. There have been cases of teachers moving to Korea, only to find that the school that hired them closes its doors soon after. My school has been around for about 20 years, so there's no danger of that.

As for my position, I don't have the same workload as the Korean teachers. I pop into their classes on a rotating schedule and using the materials created by my school, I speak English with them and encourage them to speak and to write as much as possible. So far, I've found it to be really enjoyable, particularly since I'm so accustomed to American students who are far less, shall we say, "motivated" to learn and are perhaps maybe, um, less "well-behaved". In short, I'm already in love with them. And with the teachers, who are an amazing group of women.

I haven't met many Westerners yet, but am looking forward to going to a large English speaking church that is located in Suwon and in my neighborhood. Apparently, people commute from Seoul and other areas to get there, so I'm very fortunate that it's walking distance from me. Can't wait to experience that. Here's the link if you want to take a look at it: http://www.lifechurch.co.kr/

I will post the measly few pictures I've taken here in a little while - I'm composing this from school from a different computer. I have always been hopeless when it comes to remembering to take pictures of things, but there are so many things I want to share, so I will try to be more diligent. Nay, I WILL be more diligent! This is my solemn vow.

First Day in Korea

Well, it's about 6:00am back home in California, it's about 10:00pm here in Korea, and only God knows what time my body is on. The last thing I know is I slept fitfully for about 7 hours from Los Angeles to my connecting flight in Taipei, and the best I can figure is, that was about 19 hours ago. But, whatever, I am so full of adrenaline that at this point it doesn't really matter.

I am now in Seoul where the corporate offices for the English school that hired me, DYB (stands for "Do Your Best" which is "Choisun" in Korean), are housed, and am at a temporary apartment until tomorrow morning when I'll be taken to Suwon, a suburb of Seoul about an hour southwest. At that time I'll meet my fellow teachers and staff, meet the kids I'll be working with, and be able to lay down all the luggage I've saddled myself with in my permanent apartment. One of the most difficult things about preparing for this journey was, "What the heck do you pack for a year???" No doubt in my 150 lbs of luggage I've still forgotten something mandatory, and even things I DID remember are now suddenly not in my possession. For whatever reason, odd and sundry toiletries were somehow removed from my luggage - things that - apart from my razors - I couldn't have with any reasonable forethought have determined would be threatening to any security personnel. So, I lose a toothbrush - at least I got my luggage. And my health. But, I don't have a towel, and if my experience at my temporary digs is any indicator, I need to get myself to some kind of Korean Kohl's post-stat.

A very nice Korean man struck up a conversation with me as we were waiting for our flight from Taipei to Seoul, and he's lived and visited many places, namely South Korea, China, and the US. He was just coming back from a 3 month trip to Los Angeles where he was pursuing meetings with various business professionals about his aspiring importing/exporting business. We were sort of trading our stories about America versus other cultures (I mostly listening, of course, because my international travels were no where near as extensive as his) and he said something that I thought was very interesting: Korea is a land of extremes. Extremely cold winters, extremely hot summers. The people, he said, are extreme in their pursuits and their passions. Children and adults sleep very little because there's so much work to do, and so much fun to be had. Even North Korea is extreme in it's need to be separate from the rest of the world, and South Korea in it's earnest desire to grow and succeed as a world power. He also said he felt that since South Korea is such a burgeoning place, it has learned to glean the best from Japan and America and become its own entity. From Japan, they've adopted a similarity of efficiency, style and sensibility. I'll give you more efficiency examples later, but as for similarities of style, the elevator in this building makes a sound like a slot machine when it reaches your floor. It gives one that "life is a videogame, and I like it!" feeling. And most food items try to entice you with animated characters and bright primary colors. So, of course, "Food is fun! I want to buy this!" From America, he said, they've adopted a sense of openness and expression in their opinions and feelings. He also said that of all the places he's been, the United States is the place he thinks has it the most "together", and the place he thinks is most worth striving to match. I am not running an advertisement, by the way, but I thought this uncensored and unprovoked commentary was very interesting! Those were his words, not mine. After having been here only about 6 hours, seeing the lights and magic and meeting people who've welcomed me with open arms, I can say for certain that I'm not in the United States - and don't know enough about Japan to comment - but I know there is something here I like more than the US, and something I desperately miss. It will take me some time to figure it out. And this was the reason I came - to experience something totally different. And even after only a day, I'm amazed at the welcome reception I've received...

But I'm also wondering what in the world I've gotten myself into. I am already homesick, namely when I begin to think, "I'm not going to see my family and friends for a year... How am I going to do this?" But, remarkably, I have an incredible sense of peace about it. I know that God ushered me into this experience, and I know there will be blessings, and I know there will be hardships. Such is life. But one thing is certain: I will be in His hands, and so I have no need to worry about it. Just walk it out. I am also already so thankful for the internet since it's such an obvious and immediate connection to those faces I miss, and I am very grateful to have a connection in this room on my first night. I wasn't anticipating that.

So I invite you to "walk it out" with me, and I am ardently praying that I'll have something worthwhile to say or to show you. I read so many of these blogs (2 in particular I pored through more than once) before making the decision to come here, and I'm wanting to document this experience for those who know me (and care to read it!), but also for those who don't have any clue who I am, but want to know about whether they should take the leap and teach English in South Korea. So, again, I hope and pray this is worth your while. If not, it is at least a cathartic and public journal entering exercise for me.

Pictures to come, videos to come (I hope - depends on whether or not I splurge and buy a digital camcorder! Though I am at the home of Samsung) and assuredly some silly ramblings of mine. Let me leave you with some verbal snapshots of my last how-ever-many hours, since I haven't actually taken any pictures yet:

1. Both in Taiwan and in Korea, people wear those hospital face masks just casually walking around. In the Taipei airport, there were several posters describing the symptoms of H1N1 and why you should see a doctor immediately. Before landing in Seoul, there was a little cartoon of a sick coughing man going to the doctor and getting treatment before the nightmare scenario of "what could have been" - killing everyone around him. I couldn't read the characters, but I got the drift. We could call them crazy, but the only H1N1 breakout they experienced was because of a native English speaking teacher. (Granted, that last fact comes from my driver, so I can't verify it, but he sounded very adamant and knowledgable!)

2. Children ride bikes around here at ungodly hours, and everything is open 24 hours, and nobody is ever afraid. Ever. I think crime is non-existent here. (However, again, that statistic is from my driver.)

3. Korea is beautiful. I was shocked as our plane flew low over the coastal landscape, and even as we drove deeper into the city, how lush and green and hilly it is. It reminded me (and still does) very much of Honolulu even in the most urban parts.

4. I am terrified to go get food because I have no idea what's on the menu, and even if I could read it, I'm still thinking I'm going to order the stupid American thing. The street signs here are all in Korean and English, but when it comes to eating out, that's an entirely different story. Since landing I have had two canned espressos and a frightening-looking-though-very-tasty fried chicken wing from a mini-mart attached to this apartment building, though I'm surrounded by restaurants. I guess I have to give myself some grace since it's day 1. I also walked around for an hour trying to find someplace that would sell me a hair dryer, and was reduced to trying to deduce from the window displays what they sold since Korean still looks like gibberish to me. But I will learn! Good friends have given me dvd's and books, and I will open them..... Eventually. And even though my hair dryer doesn't work, I walked into a hair salon nearby with wet hair and pantomimed hair drying, and the owner generously let me dry my own hair with his hairdryer and brushes for 5,000.00 Korean won. (That's only a little under $5. I know I still got ripped off, but in the moment I totally didn't care.)

5. Koreans are generous and wonderful people. I can already tell. I have walked into 3 stores now where the personnel haven't spoken a word of English, and here I am the totally American looking, totally irritating, totally ethno-centric English speaking tourist, and they have been nothing but gracious and accomodating. That speaks loads about their culture, and though I am absolutely a stranger in a strange land, there are much stranger lands to be in.

I shall now try to sleep. Am very excited and hopeful about seeing the school and its inhabitants tomorrow.